Drifting
by RadioNmyHead
Summary: Over a year after the jewel is destroyed, Kagome is in a destructive relationship with InuYasha when their separation causes more pain. Now Kagome must figure out her future with InuYasha. ANGSTY
1. Shadows

**_AN:_** _This story was inspired one day while I was thinking about my sister. It has since evolved, but I still hold it very close to me. Any OOC action is explained in the story. All chapters are subject to editing. Thanks, and enjoy!_

**Shadows**

Kagome stared at her ceiling, idly watching the shadows trace eerie patterns on her ceiling. It didn't bother her that she didn't sleep at night while she was home. Most things didn't bother her very much anymore. Nothing _here_ was important enough to bother her. Her days felt like a waking dream while she was here. In fact, nothing in this world seemed real or even truly mattered to her anymore. Nothing except…

She closed her eyes. It was almost painful to think of him when he wasn't around. She had promised her mother that this time she would stay overnight before leaving, at least have breakfast with the family, but now she wondered why. _How could I have said yes? How could I voluntarily stay away from him?_ She emptied her mind, trying to ignore the fierce desire to leave in the middle of the night. In the end, it just wasn't worth the struggle. _I'm nothing without him._

She lethargically stood up and looked around her room. The unnatural light from the street lamps outside revealed old books, old toys, old interests. Nothing here was of interest now. She moved slowly toward the door, pausing only to scoop up a translucent old ball which she stopped to examine. The street lamps almost made it look as if it had color in it, but she knew better. The tucked the cloudy white ball into her pocket and moved on.

She avoided the old objects, reminders of her past life, letting her eyes fall on a binder of notes that her friends had passed to her in class throughout the years. She remembered saving them and meticulously storing them in that binder, as a reminder of all they had done together. Slowly she had lost interest in them, as well. The few days that she had attended class in the last year, she had sat quietly, ignoring their banter until they had finally given up on her. After all, she had had nothing to say. Now she quickly picked up the binder and flipped through the pages, looking at the meaningless words and doodles before she shut it and dropped it back onto the floor. She walked straight out of her room, ignoring the rest of the forgotten objects, indolently wondering when her friends had started to bore her. _Or was it I who bored them?_

She walked past her brother's room. She could hear him snoring softly through the door, unaware of her passage. Earlier that day he had tried to show her something or ask her something, she wasn't really sure which. She had pushed him off, seeking the solitude of her room. When she had reached her bed she cried a little, not for any particular reason that she could understand. Souta… she hadn't really talked to him since his 11th birthday, and even then it had been a short conversation; the whole time she had been itching to pass through the well. She padded down the stairs and out the door, avoiding the squeaky floorboards. Her body had long been programmed to navigate the dark house without making a single noise. She held a certain pride in her ability to sneak out, while at the same time swallowing the guilt that she couldn't stay with her own family for just one night.

Now as she approached the well, a small fear came over her. Her already slow pace became even slower. She turned to look back at her darkened house. The predawn light made it look as gray as she felt. Her mother would be upset in the morning, but it wouldn't be the first time. Kagome always felt guilty, but she could never stop herself. She couldn't feel alive in this place. She turned her head back and walked into the shed.

A letter sat next to the well with her name on it. She recognized her mother's handwriting, but she didn't pick it up. Instead she carefully walked around it, as if in an effort to pretend she didn't see it, and she climbed into the well. She knew that her mother had anticipated her departure, even with the promise that Kagome had given her. Kagome took one last look at the lonely letter, and dropped below into the time portal. _Sorry, mama, I just can't stay. I just can't read your words. I can't feel any more guilt. I can't feel_ anything _here._

She was bathed in the light of the well, and drank in the feeling. She was getting closer to him, and that alone could wake her up. In a few minutes she would be able to see him. Her whole body felt jittery with the anticipation. She whispered his name to herself over and over again.

"_InuYasha, InuYasha, InuYasha"_

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	2. Addiction

**Addiction**

Kagome started to climb out of the well, and was instantly met by strong arms pulling her up the rest of the way. She was embraced by those arms, her eyes shining with an inner fire. In the dark hours of the early morning _he_ shone like a beacon. His red hoari seemed to burn the air around him, his silver hair almost blinded her. His outline was hazy against the blurred, faint background of the world. She didn't care. She looked into his eyes, feeling her soul being pulled into them.

"Took you long enough," he said. The words scalded her. The slightest trace of disapproval caused the tears to rise, overpowering her delight at hearing his voice. Didn't he know that he was too real? That everything he did felt more concentrated to her?

"I had to sneak out again," she said in barely more than a whisper. He looked at her pajamas, and gave a slight smile. She had also forgotten her bag in her desperation to get through the well, meaning she didn't have a change of clothes. She had been forgetting things more and more often recently, and he just thought of it as an endearing habit. He leaned his head down and brought his lips to hers, his hair enveloping her in its brilliant light. She replied to him fiercely, trying to draw him in as he drew her. She needed him more than anything, she needed this to feel alive, to stay alive.

InuYasha pulled away slowly, admiring the bright intoxication in her eyes. Every time he saw her she looked more beautiful, more vibrant than anyone he had ever known. There was almost a glow to her, though it was different than her miko powers. He brought his lips back to her, trailing them over eyelids, her neck, her ears, tasting her feverish skin, feeling her shiver against him.

So many nights they had spent like this, holding each other, exploring each other, needing each other. It had started over a year ago, when they had defeated Naraku. They had found themselves free from any burdens, though not from each other, never from each other. Like an addiction, each time they went a little further, each time they waited a little less. However, even after a year of this, InuYasha had never taken it to the next step; he had never claimed Kagome for his own. He had never made her his mate.

The whole gang had settled in Kaede's village, all of the welcomed with their useful skills. After spending so long traveling, however, they weren't used to a steady home and often took to the road. Sometimes it would just be a few of them, sometimes the entire group would go, but no matter where they were, InuYasha spent almost every moment with Kagome. He needed her, he knew, if only to be there. And she always was there.

The sunrise washed over them, and he pulled away from her completely. She stumbled and stared at him, mouth slightly parted, waiting for his command. Anything he said she would obey. She let herself fall completely under his authority, and she relished it.

"Go home, Kagome," he said, "Get dressed and say goodbye to your mother this morning." He looked at her nervous eyes. "I'll be here when you get back," he said softly, smoothing her hair back. She nodded, and slowly climbed into the well, her eyes not leaving him as she descended.

She was ready to sob at the bottom of the well. Having to go back after just escaping the torture of life without him was unbearable. _It's only for a few minutes,_ she told herself, _I will be back with him in just a few minutes._ She swallowed her grief, and climbed up the well, back into her own time. She looked her surroundings, silently hating them. She left the shed, heading to her room to change her clothes and find her forgotten backpack.

She stormed about her room, tossing clean clothing into her bag. Then she stripped off her pajamas, threw those in the bag, and threw on some clothing. She flew down the stairs in an effort to leave as soon as possible.

Her mother stopped her before she could get back to the well.

"Won't you have breakfast, Kagome?" she asked cheerfully, "You've been getting too skinny recently."

Kagome wanted to refuse, but found that she had no choice as her mother steered her into the kitchen and into a chair. The woman chattered on, excited that her daughter had not run off during the night as usual, talking about something that Kagome didn't listen to and didn't care about. Kagome scowled during her meal and barely tasted her breakfast as she ate it. When she moved to leave after washing her plate, her mother said, "Please, Kagome, won't you come and talk to me? I miss talking with you, and recently you've been so distant-"

"I really need to go, mama," Kagome said, cutting her off, "I have a lot to do."

Kagome pushed away from her mother, and hurried off before her mother could tell her that she would be gone for the next few days. She hated to leave when she could see her daughter falling further and further into melancholy, but it couldn't be helped. She watched her daughter walk toward the well, a feeling of dread overcoming her. Every time she went through the well she had a feeling that less of her daughter came back.

"Tell InuYasha he's welcome here for dinner any time he wants!" She yelled at her daughter's retreating back, unsure if Kagome had heard her or not.

Kagome rushed down the well, again skirting the letter left for her. She had stayed here too long. Ignoring the ladder, she jumped into the well.

She didn't cross through the well. She jumped up and down, but nothing happened. _The jewel,_ she thought frantically, tearing open her bag,_ where is it? _She checked her pajama pockets, but they were empty. _It must have fallen out when I changed…_ She dropped her pack and ran back to her house. Once in her room, she got on the floor and crawled around, searching for it. _There, _she thought, locating it under a dirty shirt. She inspected it, but it was still a reassuringly white color. She closed her hand around it, and for the third time that morning, left her house to cross through the well.

In her hurry to get down the well she tripped and scraped her knee, but ignored it. Even pain was dulled here.

She climbed out on the other side, but this time no arms came to help her. She looked around, blood running down her leg from her cut knee, but she didn't see him. Her eyes darted about, trying to catch a glimpse of red, a streak of silver, but the colors here were all faded, even as the sun brilliantly lit the sky.

Kagome was on the verge of panic. He said that he would be here. _He wouldn't just leave me._ She focused on the spot where he had seen him last. She sat down, keeping her eyes open for any sign of him, sitting completely still so that her body would not distract her as waited for him. She stilled her breathing, letting no other sound penetrate her ears, in hopes that she could hear his approach.

The movement of the sun did not disturb the girl. Any movement, any noise held her immediate attention. But nothing proved fruitful. She ignored the staves of hunger that washed over her. She ignored the stiffness in her joints, the protests of her muscles. She ignored everything, hoping for a sign, something that would indicate InuYasha's presence.

Hours and hours passed as the girl sat, seemingly in a trance. And, slowly, night fell over her wasted body.

InuYasha was gone.

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._

_Again… formatting is driving me crazy._


	3. Withdrawal

**Withdrawal**

Sango and Miroku hovered over Kagome, distracting Kaede and getting in the way as she tried to bring down the girl's fever. While out searching for InuYasha, Miroku had found Kagome by the well, feverish and delirious. He had brought her to Kaede, and many tense hours had passed while the woman worked on the girl. Her delirium had passed, but her fever was still dangerously high, and the girl suffered from obvious dehydration. Under normal circumstances Kaede would not have worried too much about the girl, but Kagome had already looked sickly before the illness.

"Enough already!" she yelled at Miroku as he knocked over a jug of water, "She'll never get better with you two hovering over her! Out! Out!"

Kaede put a cool cloth on the girl's brow as the others scuttled out, trying to calm her as she thrashed around. _Wake up, Kagome. Please, wake up._

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"_Is he gone?" Kagome asked, peeking out from behind InuYasha._

_InuYasha panted, still grasping the enormous tetsusaiga in front of him. _

"_I don't know," he said guardedly, "His body has always regenerated…" He glanced over at Sango, who was digging through pieces of the rubble._

"_What is it, Sango?" Miroku asked her, guarding her back in case the demon should return._

"_I don't think he's coming back this time." Sango stood up, and revealed the completed jewel in her hand. "He never would have left without this."_

"_Naraku, he's dead…" _

_Kagome's eyes went wide while they all stared at the jewel in Sango's hand. Minutes passed without a sound from anyone. _

"_It's yours, Kagome," Shippou said._

_Kagome reached out her hand and slowly took the jewel from Sango. A wave of relief seemed to hit the group, and smiles spread over their faces as they started to grasp what it all meant…_

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Kagome was trapped in the well. It wasn't letting her leave; it wasn't letting her go to him. She cried, begged, prayed, fought, screamed, but the well wouldn't let her go. Her body ached, and she knew that the pain would all be gone if she could just get to him. Everything was always better when she was with him.

The aching got stronger, and she felt cold. Her body convulsed in shivers. The walls of the well mocked her, dancing across her vision as she dizzily looked up, wishing to see that she had passed through. All she could see was darkness at the top, neither the feudal era nor her home. Desperately, she clawed the bottom of the well, trying to dig her way out, but it was useless.

She wailed, throwing her body against the sides of the well, ignoring the ache in her body. She couldn't exist here. She couldn't exist without him.

"InuYasha!" she called out desperately, "InuYasha!"

She was answered only by silence.

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"I think she is waking up," Sango said.

"You have worked a miracle, Kaede," Miroku said.

"She is a fighter, even in her weakened state," Kaede said.

Kagome did not hear InuYasha's voice. When she opened her eyes, she did not see InuYasha's face. When the others reached to hug her she did not feel InuYasha's embrace. He was gone.

_Gone, gone, gone._ The words mocked her. She let out a strangled cry, surprising her friends. She struggled to get out of the bed, only to find herself too weak to move. Her friends gently pushed her struggling limbs back into the futon.

"Relax, Kagome, you're fine. You are getting better."

_I am not fine! I will not get better! Where is he? Why did he leave me?_ Her mouth was too dry to form the words. Instead she just whimpered.

"You need to eat, Kagome. You need to get stronger." Kagome almost choked at the soup that was poured down her throat. The taste was too strong; the soup burned her. She coughed, harsh, ragged breaths escaping her.

She didn't understand it. InuYasha wasn't with her. He had always been there when she was hurt or injured, and after she had purified the jewel it seemed that he had always been there when she needed him. The purification process had been awful. When she let all those spirits go free, she had felt as if she had lost her own with it. InuYasha had brought it back to her. She had felt lost without the power in the jewel, but InuYasha had found her. Her entire life had all led up to that moment when the spirits were set free, and then it was gone. She was left without a purpose. InuYasha had given her a new purpose, a new reason for being. And slowly, she became that being, existing solely for him.

_Gone, gone, gone._

The days slowly passed. InuYasha was gone, and once again her life lacked a purpose. Kagome wasted away even more. Kaede could barely persuade her to eat, trying to tempt her with every food creation she could think of. The only thing that Kagome could swallow was the blandest of soups. Sango and Miroku came to see her often, but their visits were short. They couldn't bear to see the hopelessness in her eyes. Even after her body had cooled, her eyes still burned with an inner fever, and just as her old optimism was contagious, she now spread a feeling of desperation to any who came near her.

"Where is he?" she once heard Sango say to Miroku.

"I don't know. He left without saying anything. The last time I saw him was when he went to the well to get her. When I went to check on him, she was sitting there. I thought she was _dead_." Miroku let out an exasperated sigh. "What the hell happened?"

"Houshi-sama…"

"I know him, Sango. He wouldn't just take off. He never took off unless…"

"Unless Kikyou was around," Sango finished for him.

Kagome felt dead. The heart still beat, the blood flowed, but Kagome couldn't understand it. She couldn't recognize her own body. It had changed so much, and even now it betrayed her by clinging to a useless life.

It was slow, but the realization dawned over Kagome that her body wasn't going to die. It was weak, but no matter how much she wanted it to, it was not going to let go. Something in her wanted to live, and she slowly succumbed to it. She started to move around, taking small steps with her unreliable body. Sango helped her to change and bathe. She tried to eat more, forcing herself to hold down her food. But even as she made the efforts, a part of her hated herself for it. Why did she bother?

_Gone, gone, gone._

The words were softer, farther away. She began to help Kaede around the town a little, tending to the temple and caring for the few sick, though she tired easily, often needing to rest to regain her energy. She still felt lost, but she spent the days trying to tire herself out enough so that at night her dreams would stop haunting her with his face.

It was exactly twenty-four days after Kagome had fallen sick when InuYasha walked through the door.

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	4. Forgiveness

**Forgiveness**

InuYasha stared at the shadow where Kagome had been standing. Seeing the pain in her eyes as she disappeared into the well almost made him take his words back, but he knew it was the right decision. He had gone to get her, during the night, but he had been intercepted. The words of Kagome's mother echoed in his mind.

_Please, InuYasha, don't take her away, tonight. I need to talk to her. I know that you protect her, but I'm her mother. I just need to talk to her, and I know she'll listen to you if you ask her to. She always listens to you.'_

He could smell the pain coming off of the woman, and had been unable to tell her "no". How could he when she looked and smelled so much like her daughter? Now, after Kagome had descended to her own time, he regretted it. _Your own damn fault,_ he chided himself, crossing his arms over his chest. He sat down abruptly, a scowl over his features, prepared to wait for however long it took.

The sharp smell of blood disturbed him from his watch. Looking up, he found himself surrounded by Kikyou's soul collectors. Their ghostly forms glided around him, beckoning him to follow. He stood up and cautiously allowed them to lead him to the priestess.

"InuYasha," she said weakly from her resting position against a tree. She was badly injured; there was a large gash in her side from which blood was flowing freely. A number of bruises also marked her ailing body. "Perhaps it is fitting that you see me in my time of death." She coughed harshly, a trickle of blood running from the corner of her mouth. "Or perhaps I sought you out," she said, a rueful smile on her lips.

"Kikyou," InuYasha said quietly, "Who did this to you?" He tore a piece of fabric from her sleeve and began to wrap up her wound, but Kikyou's hand stilled his action.

"Does it matter now?" she replied, her gaze growing farther away, the smile still playing on her lips. "I grew… careless. Forgive me, InuYasha."

He nodded, unable to summon words. A feeling of guilt lodged itself in his chest, strangling him.

Kikyou heaved one last ragged breath, and closed her eyes, the final spasms of pain overtaking her body. InuYasha reached out to her, but pulled back as her body turned to dust and ash before his eyes. A wind came in, and swept what was left of her away. InuYasha watched the soul collectors disperse, quietly mourning the death of their mistress.

_Not a trace,_ he thought, _like she never existed._ He shook his head violently. Her scent was still out there, and he would find the one with her blood on his hands.

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_Kikyou approached the edge of the camp. She could tell that almost all of them were asleep, all except one._

"_InuYasha," she called softly, knowing that his sensitive ears would hear her._

_InuYasha leaped to the ground in front of her, eyes questioning her. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited._

"_I saw his destruction," Kikyou said, "She has the jewel?"_

_InuYasha gave her a curt nod._

"_I see," Kikyou said, and then slowly, "She will accomplish what I was unable to."_

_InuYasha looked into the woman's eyes and understood her other meaning. _

"_Kikyou…"_

"_Goodbye, InuYasha. It is good that this thing is completed."_

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InuYasha cleaned the blade of the tetsusaiga, slowly, methodically. It was stained with the blood of every member of the panther youkai clan. It had taken him five days to track them down and another four to wipe out each one of them. The rage that had kept him going, the pure adrenaline, had run out, and now he was exhausted. And yet, even with the killer and his entire family annihilated, InuYasha still felt dissatisfied. His revenge had done nothing to alleviate the guilt he harbored. Kikyou had asked for his forgiveness, but how could he earn hers?

Finishing his task, he stood around aimlessly. He had spent so little time with Kikyou over the past year, seeing her only a few times in passing. Kagome… Kagome took up his world. And Kikyou had avoided them. A fresh wave of guilt overtook him as he thought about the girl. She would be worried, upset, unprotected… he needed to get back to her. Something in him craved her, needed the burning light she seemed to always carry.

He sighed and slumped his shoulders. It would take at least two days to get back, and he was exhausted. Leaning his back against a tree, he decided it wouldn't hurt if he delayed his return by one more day.

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InuYasha ran through the forest, once again trying to pick up Kikyou's old scent. If he knew Kikyou, then she must have been at a village that needed her. Sometime during the night, he had decided to finish the work Kikyou had been doing when she was attacked. However, before he could complete her work, he had to actually find the village where she had been working. The panthers had moved quickly after inflicting Kikyou's mortal wounds, and now InuYasha had to backtrack in order to find his destination.

A day and a half later, he stepped into a devastated village. With the scent of the panthers covering the demolished huts, there was little doubt as to what happened. InuYasha scanned the town, searching for survivors. After spending so much time with Kagome, he had a basic knowledge of how to treat the few he found. When he was satisfied with their chances for survival, he started to bury the dead.

_At least you will never reawaken, Kikyou. At least you will never be forced into life again._

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Kagome leaned back against the wall, throwing her head back to take in the sunlight. A shadow suddenly blocked the warmth, sending a chill down her spine. She looked up to see Shippou and Sango standing over her.

"How are you feeling, Kagome?" Sango asked, kneeling next to her. Kagome shrugged, unsure of how to answer. Shippou bounded into her lap.

"I was so worried about you, Kagome," he said seriously, peering into her eyes. "Don't get sick like that again, okay?" Kagome smiled faintly and ran her hand through his hair. He preened at the action and said boldly, "And don't worry about any demons that come around. I can take care of them until InuYasha gets back!" Sango flinched and glanced at Kagome, who had let her eyes fall closed.

"Let Sango take care of the demons, Shippou," she said, her voice slightly choked, "Don't go fighting demons until you're trained properly."

"Sango says I'm too young to learn, and InuYasha says he won't teach me at all!" the kitsune whined. Shippou gave a wide smile, momentarily oblivious to the pain he was causing Kagome.

"Maybe you're not too young. Sango will start teaching you, won't you?" she said, turning to Sango. Sango hesitated, then nodded.

"I'll be the best out there, right Kagome?"

She nodded and hugged him to her. Sango put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure he wasn't…"

"I know." Kagome swallowed hard.

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InuYasha stared at the black night. He had been delayed again, this time by the empty sky. With black hair and round ears, his need for Kagome increased in his human form even as it stopped his travel. Only one full day's travel away, and yet impossibly far.

He settled onto his futon inside one of the huts he had rebuilt. After a week of care all of the inhabitants of the village were healed enough to take care of themselves, and InuYasha had planned on leaving that day until he had realized what day it was. Grunting in frustration, he turned over in his cot.

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_Flashing black eyes, angry flushed cheeks, feverish skin, a haunting voice, screaming, crying, wailing… the pain was too much. Unintelligible words from a figure too thin, too pale. The fever reached out and burned him, scalding his weak human flesh. And the figure continued to scream, until he found himself enveloped, unable to escape._

"Kagome." His own voice woke him up. It was well past morning, and InuYasha cursed as he rose from the futon.

He could finally go back, finally see Kagome, but now… he was afraid. He had been gone for so many days without leaving a message for her. His dream haunted him. It couldn't be his Kagome. His Kagome was strong, innocent, beautiful, and kind. The Kagome in the dream hadn't been any of those things. It couldn't be his Kagome.

But it was _a_ Kagome.

He walked out of the village, not bothering to tell the villagers of his departure. He walked slowly, running the image through his head over and over again. _It can't be her,_ he said to himself, _I will return, and she will be there just like she always has been._ He walked a little more slowly. _It can't be her._

Somehow a one-day trip turned into a five-day trip as InuYasha battled with his mind. He felt weak, his mind dull and his body slow. _I need her,_ he told himself, _I just can't bear facing her. Not if she is like that._

At last, InuYasha found his way to Kaede's hut, where he knew she was waiting. She smelled the same, he noticed with relief, though the scent seemed a little weaker. _Why was I so worried? Why did I keep myself away from her for so long?_ He smiled, and stepped through the door, his eyes eagerly seeking the form that lay inside.

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_AN: I have been doing a lot of editing recently, fixing stupid errors and adding a little, and I added a small scene into this. Mmorg has also been ignoring all my formatting… cries_


	5. Burned

**Burned**

InuYasha walked forward into the room. Kagome squirmed, pressing herself against the back wall of the hut. InuYasha didn't seem to notice as he continued to stride forward. He sat down next to her, his eyes taking in her beautiful skin.

Kagome watched him enter, her whole world breaking apart. He was here, _here_, staring at her longingly, and part of her wanted so much to devour him. But when he reached out and touched her arm, she cried out, unable to stop the sound. He jerked his hand back and stared at her face as she quietly whimpered. He closed himself off, drawing away from her.

"What's wrong, Kagome?" he asked, his fear gripping at his throat.

She couldn't get her mouth to move right. The words wouldn't form, and any attempts got caught in her throat. She just stared at him with the same expression of shock and fear.

"You're okay, Kagome, you're safe," he said, reaching out again to touch her face. The cry came again before he reached her, this time accompanied by tears, but he touched her face anyway, leaning over her, bringing his lips down to meet her cheek.

"No," she protested, weakly. He pushed his lips hard against hers, opening his mouth to consume her.

"No!" she said, pushing against him uselessly with her weakened arms, "No, no, no, no, no!"

He backed away from her, eyes wide with surprise as sobs racked her body.

"No," she moaned once more, covering her face with her hands. The noise brought Kaede inside to see what was bothering her charge. InuYasha stared at Kagome for a second more before backing out of the hut, the sounds of her sobs ringing in his ears.

He launched himself onto a tree branch and caught his breath, pressing his hands over his ears to block out the sound. Everything was wrong, entirely wrong. He watched with hazy eyes as the fingers on the hand he had touched her with turned black. The blackness spread, crawling up his arm, straight to his heart. He felt it penetrate, speeding through his bloodstream until his entire body was numb and dark.

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_Kagome smiled at InuYasha. "I'm going to do it," she said, "I'm going to purify it."_

_InuYasha smiled and kissed her softly, still getting used to the sensation. Kagome giggled and then shoved him away._

"_No distractions!" She said, waving him off._

"_Are you going to make me human?" he asked her, flicking his ears._

_Kagome paused, and smiled enigmatically. "No… not human…"_

"_What are you going to wish for, then?" he asked, grabbing her hand._

"_Wait and see!" She said, trying to pull away. He drew her in, and she giggled again as he kissed her again. She broke away and flicked of his ears. _

"_You keep doing that and I'll never get this done." She laughed and smiled at him. InuYasha beamed at her. _

"_Just get back here as soon as you're done, wench."_

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InuYasha woke up shivering, still high in the tree. He rubbed his face, trying to get the vision out of his head. When he took his hands away, he saw the small form of Kagome standing beneath the tree. He stared at her, wide-eyed, his heart pounding in his throat. Her stare was defiant and cold, though he could still smell the salt on her cheeks. He jumped down, intending to draw her into his arms, to force her to look at him as she used to.

She stepped away from him, keeping herself out of reach. Everything had changed. She had changed. "Why, Kagome?" he asked her quietly. Her eyes were hooded, dark. Her body and thoughts were closed off to him, and she couldn't have been farther away were she dead.

"I had never felt so alone in my life," she said shakily, "I never needed something so badly when it wasn't there."

"I'm here now, Kagome. I missed you, I needed you, too." He tried to reach out to her again, but she flinched, and he dropped his hand, chagrined.

"No!" she yelled, "Don't you get it? I _died_!" She gasped, choking back the threatening tears. "I'm dead."

It was barely more than a whisper, but it cut straight into InuYasha. He shook his head, silently begging her to stop. He couldn't bear this; he couldn't bear the hopeless desperation in her eyes.

"I'm leaving, InuYasha. I'm _going._ I can't be with you any longer. I can't _need_ you any longer."

He was paralyzed as she walked away. His body was completely numb. His eyes glazed over and all he could see was the image of a tormented girl. His Kagome was dead.

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Kagome held her head high and walked past InuYasha, holding onto her strength with a grim determination. She wouldn't back down. She _couldn't._

When InuYasha had walked in- _as if it had only been a day, _she thought bitterly- when he had walked in, he had lit a fire in her, but instead of the uncontrollable fires that he had inspired in her in the past, this one was cold, contained. His presence had brought her strength, and this one time she would use it. She would use it to break his power.

She jumped down the well. Her borrowed strength wouldn't last forever, but she had it now. If she could hold onto it for long enough, she could let go of him. She could be free of him. She could live her life without him.

She found herself at the shrine, and she began to sob.

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	6. Shards

**Shards**

Kagome crawled out of the well. She didn't want to face her family. She didn't want to see anybody. She had lost her newly found will, and she wanted to die.

_He was fine,_ she thought, _He was gone for so long, and he was fine. He didn't even know…_

She pulled out the jewel, and silently hated it. _It did this to me. I didn't ask for this!_ She threw it into the well, wishing she had never been pulled down the well in the first place.

Her eye caught the letter she had neglected to open the last time she was in the well house. The envelope was dusty, and she brushed it off, once again eyeing her mother's handwriting. She carefully opened it with shaking hands, and pulled out the letter inside.

_Dear Kagome,_

_I want you to know how much I love you. You are my only daughter, and you have brought so much light to my life. I always knew how special you were. I was sad when you first started traveling to the feudal era, but I knew it was something you had to do. Now you are all grown up, and I know you may choose to lead your life in the feudal era. You are a very smart girl, and this is your decision to make. I never want you to be unhappy, and being with your friends and InuYasha seems to make you so happy._

_I love you, Kagome, and I always will. I want you to know that if you decide to spend the rest of your life in the feudal era, I wish you the best of luck. I know about your feelings for InuYasha, and I know about his feelings for you. If he is what you want, then I cannot tell you to stay here. I love you, Kagome. I want you to be where you are happiest. I hope that life brings you as much happiness as you have brought me._

Kagome's tears hit the already tear-stained page. She clung to the letter, unable to control her sobbing. _I can't go home,_ she thought miserably, _How can I, after all that I have done? She's already let me go._ Kagome curled up into a ball on the floor, hugging herself. _I can't do it._

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Kagome woke up in her bed. The streetlamps outside splayed an eerie light across her room. She didn't know when or how she got there, and she didn't really want to find out. Her head ached from all the crying she had done the day before.

She stood up and went to the window, locking it shut and pulling the curtains. Her eyes adjusted to the near blackness. The strange shapes of her room looked less menacing without the glare from outside.

She walked into the bathroom, planning to wash her face. She jumped when she looked into the mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen, but besides that detail, she looked perfectly fine. _What were you expecting?_ she asked herself.

She put her hand up against the mirror, blocking out her face. Sinking to her knees, she let her hands drop onto the tiles. She rocked back and forth, taking huge breaths, trying to calm herself. In one quick motion she grabbed a pair of scissors sitting on the counter. She examined the edge, testing its sharpness, and brought it to her hair. Closing her eyes, she let the edge cut through. Her breathing slowed as she looked at the black lock on the floor. She stood up and once again turned to the mirror. She brought the scissors up, and carefully began to cut away her hair.

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"You left quite a mess in the bathroom," were the words that woke Kagome up in the morning. She opened her eyes to see her mother sitting on her bed. "But I like your hair cut. You did a good job with it, even the back. It makes you look older." She touched Kagome's face. "I'd also like to see a smile."

Kagome felt the tips of her hair that barely came past her chin. Her eyes looked mournfully at her mother. She found that she couldn't force her face into a smile. "I'm sorry, mama," she whispered. _I can't even do such a simple thing._ She was shushed and pulled into a hug.

"It's alright, honey," her mother crooned, "It's alright."

She pushed Kagome's hair back behind her ear, looking at the girl's face before standing up and heading toward the door. "Mama," Kagome said, "Am I going to school today?"

The woman laughed. "You were gone so long this time school already ended. You are on your holidays." She walked out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.

Kagome collapsed back onto her bed. She didn't want to get up. She shut her eyes, and watched her hair fall to the ground again in her mind. _What was I thinking? I loved my hair,_ she thought, though she felt little remorse. _I don't even care that it's gone._

A tear slid down her cheek, and she touched her finger to it with a dull surprise. _I don't want to feel anything. I never felt anything when he wasn't there. Why do I have to feel something now?_ The pain intensified, and more tears flooded down her face. She curled up in a ball and threw the covers over her head.

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"_What happened?" InuYasha looked panicked at Kagome's tearstained face as she returned from whatever it was she did to purify the jewel._

"_I never expected it to _hurt_ so much."_

_InuYasha drew Kagome into his arms, calming her down. "What hurt you?" he asked quietly._

_Kagome just shook her head, unwilling to say anything about it. _

"_Don't worry, Kagome. I'll never let anything hurt you again."_

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"Summer school?" Kagome asked, flipping through the pages of her books her mother had just dropped on her bed.

"You need to get out of the house, Kagome. Out of your room. Out of your bed. I won't have you sulking up here the entire summer." Kagome's expression didn't change as she looked at the numbers and characters. Her mother's expression softened. "You need to go out and meet people. You have been living in InuYasha's world for so long, and since you don't seem like you are going back, it's time that you explore your own."

_I don't have a world without InuYasha._ She nodded slowly. "When do I start?" She didn't feel like telling her mother that she didn't understand anything in the books she held. _She should know that I've been failing._

"Tomorrow. It's your same school, same uniform, so I expect you to be up and ready in the morning." Kagome nodded again as her mother left the room. She shoved the books off of her bed and rolled over to stare at the wall.

_I should go. I should forget him. He doesn't exist here._ I _exist here. He died hundreds of years ago, and I… I died with him._ She shook her head, her face contorting into anger. _No, he killed me. I gave him everything, and he killed me._

_He hasn't even come after me._

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha_


	7. Refusals

**Refusals**

InuYasha sat in Goshinboku, allowing the branches to cradle him. His entire body felt like lead, and he had no desire to move.

_I let her die._

Kagome was dead. He knew it, even as she had stood in front of him and spoke to him. No amount of begging and pleading from Sango could convince him to go to her time. No crying from Shippou could compel him to leave his tree. No lecture from Miroku could move him to change his mind. And nothing could convince him that his Kagome was alive.

"You loved her, InuYasha. I know you did- I know you do! You can fix this, I know you can." That had come from Sango. _I can't fix things,_ InuYasha thought, looking down at his sword, _I specialize in breaking them._ The vision of Kikyou dying flashed in front of his eyes.

"I miss her, InuYasha. Bring her back! Who is going to take care of me? I need her! I need you! I need you both together! Please! Who is going to teach me how to fight? Who is going to teach me to protect everyone?" Shippou had wailed, and the others, hoping to see InuYasha take pity on the kit, had let him for a while. When they had finally decided it was unhealthy for the kit to be there any longer, InuYasha had not even looked down from his perch. _Need me, Shippou? I'm poison. I poisoned Kagome, slowly. Is that what you want?_

"InuYasha, Kagome is not dead. She was very ill for a while, but she got better. You, yourself, saw her. Do you think a ghost would speak to you like that? Couldn't you smell her? Ghosts do not have smells. And do you not think that I would not have sent her spirit on had she died? I am a monk, InuYasha. I would not leave the dead untended to. It is you who is leaving business untended. Go to her." Miroku, using reason. _Business left undone… what have I not done, Miroku? I killed Naraku, as you would have liked to have done. I watched Kagome purify the jewel, and then I continued to live. She's gone, and there really isn't anything left to do._

In the end they had all given up on him, just as Kagome had. Sango came during the day bringing food, though she no longer asked him to come down. When the food was left untouched she took it away, only to come back with fresh food. InuYasha didn't utter a word.

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"_What will you do, InuYasha?"_

_InuYasha broke out of his reverie to look at Kagome across the fire. "What?"_

"_What will you do, after we destroy Naraku? Do you… do you still want to become a demon?"_

_InuYasha closed his eyes and mulled the question over. Miroku looked at him thoughtfully and said, "You know, InuYasha, maybe staying a hanyou isn't so bad. If you think about it, the two most powerful youkai right now are probably you and Naraku, and neither of you are pure youkai. I think there is something to be said for hanyous."_

"_Keh. Nobody asked you, monk."_

_Kagome was still gazing at him. "Well?"_

"_I don't think I'd bother turning youkai. Besides, I thought you were going to purify that damn jewel."_

"_It will be nice to stop traveling," Sango said, "Maybe I could go home. Or… make a new home."_

"_I don't know where I'll stay," Kagome admitted so quietly that InuYasha was sure he was the only one who heard. _

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Kagome took notes in her notebook without paying attention, the knowledge flowing directly from her ears to her pen without seeming to go through her brain. When the bell rang, she packed up her things and left her seat.

Nearing the door she paused to let an unusually dark boy pass her. "After you," he said with a smile. She bowed her head and went through the door, keeping her eyes to the floor.

"Wait!" he called after her, "Hey, I've never seen you before. What's your name?"

"Higurashi Kagome," she said, without lifting her eyes to meet his. She was anxious to get home, and didn't know why she was feeling so unfriendly.

"I'm Hiroshi," he said, and she nodded, wondering absently why he only gave his first name. His smile widened. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Kagome. Why are you stuck in summer school?"

Kagome's cheeks pinked as she said softly, "I… missed a lot of school. I was… sick."

Hiroshi seemed to digest that, looking at her pensively before saying, "How are you getting home? Walking? Would you like me to give you a ride?"

"You have a car?" she asked before she could stop herself. Hiroshi nodded.

"I live pretty far out," he explained, "so how about that ride?"

Kagome shook her head, blushing slightly. "Thanks for the offer, but I wouldn't want to be a bother."

"Don't worry about it! It would be my pleasure. Where do you live?"

"Higurashi shrine," she said automatically, "But really, it isn't necessary. I can get there by myself. It's not far. It'll probably be faster if I walk, anyway."

He smiled, but noticed her reluctance and said, "Well, today I will let you walk home by yourself since you seem so set on it, but don't expect to be let off so easily next time."

Kagome nodded, her blush growing at the unwanted attention, and left the school. She walked slowly, watching the people around her go through their lives. _I've spent too much time in the past. It all looks so unnatural._

She entered her unusually quiet house. A note gave her family's locations, her mom doing errands, her brother playing soccer with his friends, her grandpa with his buddies. She set her bag down and began to do her homework, as there was nothing else to do. She looked down at the tedious work, and a small sob escaped her. _I actually wish that he were here to complain about my work. When he complained, I didn't have to._

She shook her head. That was exactly the problem. She didn't have to do anything when he was there. He did it all for her, and she enjoyed it. After a while, she sort of forgot that she should do anything herself, and InuYasha, while it may have been sub-conscious, seemed to have wanted it that way. _I have to learn to live by myself,_ she thought fervently, _I have to learn to live_ for _myself._

She put her pen to her paper, forcing it to move, marveling in the fact that she actually felt her blood flowing through her veins for the first time in weeks.

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_Hiroshi- Generous_

_AN: I apologize for being so slow with updates. I have the most hectic schedule recently, though I believe that in a few weeks I will have much more free time. Again, I apologize for those you who have been following this fic._

_I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	8. Generosity

**Generosity**

Kagome glanced at Hiroshi while vaguely listening to her teacher. The last three days he had asked to take her home, and yesterday she had finally consented. The tall, thin boy had chattered in a friendly way and hadn't been bothered by her silence, which had surprised her. He had been nice, not pushing her to reveal anything and doing everything possible to coax a smile out of her. _When was the last time that happened?_

She snapped out of her reverie when the bell rang, signaling the end of class. Hiroshi walked up to her desk and said in a mock-scolding tone, "Kagome, so studious you won't even leave the classroom?" he laughed as said more seriously, "I wish I had your work ethic. I probably wouldn't be stuck at summer school, then."

Kagome felt her face turn hot as she scrambled to get her books into her bag. She knocked half of them to the floor, and her blush deepened as Hiroshi bent to pick them up. _He's so nice,_ she thought, _why? Why be nice to me?_

"I am sorry to say that I cannot drive you today, Kagome," Hiroshi said, handing her the books, "I don't have my car with me. However, I would like to walk you home if you aren't too disappointed."

Kagome stuttered out that it would be fine with her, and they left the building. "Let me carry your bag, Kagome, it's huge," Hiroshi said as they walked down the street. "How many classes are you taking?" he asked, reaching for the bag.

Kagome clutched her bag protectively, and managed to let out a shallow laugh, saying, "Oh, it's no problem, I'll carry it myself."

Hiroshi shrugged, and they continued to walk. It wasn't long until Kagome recognized a familiar face that had obviously spotted her as well.

"Kagome! I haven't seen you in so long!" Yuka exclaimed, embracing her estranged friend. Kagome tensed up, but then gave a genuine smile and returned the hug. "Who is this?" Yuka asked, gesturing toward Hiroshi with an arched eyebrow, "And whatever happened to that crazy, possessive boyfriend of yours? It seemed like you were always off somewhere with him."

Kagome's face fell. Off five hundred years in the past with him. "Not so possessive I guess," she muttered, and more loudly, "We… split."

Yuka thought about that for a moment before saying, "Well, I think that you are better off without him, Kagome," She looked at Kagome's face more closely and said quietly, "He changed you." Yuka paused, and then her face lit up, "And speaking of changes, nice haircut! I can't believe you finally cut your hair, but you look so much older. Hey, maybe you can come shopping with us this weekend! We could all catch up, it would be just like old times."

Kagome tried to force out a smile even as tears threatened at the mere mention of InuYasha. "That would be great, Yuka. I've… I've really missed you guys." Even as she said it she realized that it was true.

Yuka smiled and embraced her friend again, then turned to Hiroshi and said, "Hey, maybe you can come, too…"

"Hiroshi," Kagome supplied.

"You can come, too, Hiroshi. That is, if you wouldn't be too afraid of shopping with a bunch of girls."

Hiroshi laughed, thanking Yuka for the invitation. They chatted for a brief period of time before Yuka suddenly gasped, and sped off exclaiming about the time. Kagome and Hiroshi looked at each other, and laughed at the running girl before returning on their way.

"It's good," Hiroshi said.

"Hmm?"

"Hearing you laugh. It's good." Hiroshi looked at her with a serious expression in his eyes. "It's not good for you to be so sad all the time."

Kagome couldn't think of anything to say in response.

"So… what time shall I pick you up?"

"What?"

"To go shopping this weekend, of course."

"Oh…" Kagome fervently tried to think of anything to get out of it, but nothing came to mind. "I guess I'll tell the girls to be at my house around 2:00."

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InuYasha dropped from his perch with less grace than intended. His muscles were stiff, his bones ached, and he was drained from lack of food. _Weak,_ he thought, _you're weak._

He looked at the food that Sango had left earlier in the day and sat down to eat it. The scent had gotten to him today, though he had believed that he had lost the need and desire for food. The fumes that had made him sick a few days earlier now tantalized him. He ate ravenously, though the food was cold. Sango walked up to him with another plate of food and stared in shock at the eating hanyou. She hadn't seen him move for the past five days and was getting more frantic every minute. When he didn't flee at her approach, she moved in closer and set the second plate next to him, which he immediately started to eat.

"Not so fast!" she said, "If you eat that fast you will get sick, InuYasha."

Before InuYasha responded a hawk youkai dove into the clearing, apparently also attracted to the smell of Sango's cooking. He stared at InuYasha menacingly, clicking his beak, prepared to fight for the meat. InuYasha jumped up, unsheathing Tetsusaiga. The bird took to the air, but InuYasha didn't attack. He stared at the rusty katana in his hands. The blade wouldn't transform. He concentrated, but nothing happened. The taka went into a dive, his claws aimed straight for InuYasha's neck, but still the hanyou didn't react. Before the bird could strike the fatal blow, however, Sango's giant boomerang flew through the air, cutting through the youkai. It fell to the ground and ceased to move before dissolving into dust. Sango scanned the sky, and satisfied that it was clear, turned back to her friend. "InuYasha?"

He hadn't moved. His face was contorted in disbelief, his hand shaking a little, and suddenly he dropped the sword. "It… rejected me," he whispered.

Sango picked up the sword and now glared at him, angry at the man who she had respected for his strength and loyalty. "It's your own damn fault, InuYasha. If you would just go to her, and stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself, you wouldn't be sitting here, half dead and growing weaker."

InuYasha didn't listen. He backed away in horror, and in one swift motion jumped back into Goshinboku. Sango calmed herself, and said, "If you really want to fix it, InuYasha, you need to find Kagome. Please," she pleaded, "Get Kagome." She dropped the sword at the base of the tree, and turned around and left.

InuYasha didn't look at the woman as she walked away, though he could feel the angry sadness emanating from her. _How can I get her when I can't go where she is?_ His eyes settled on the well. _There's nothing there. She's not there. She died._ He shook his head, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. _You died, Kagome, didn't you? Didn't you leave me here, alone, and travel on, just like Kikyou?_

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_InuYasha slowly massaged Kagome's hands, still sore from drawing her bow so many times against Naraku. Kagome gave appreciative little murmurs now and then, though for the most part she seemed to be drifting off to sleep._

"_You're sweet, you know," she said softly._

_InuYasha blushed and dropped her hands with a soft 'keh!'. Kagome laughed at his bashfulness and leaned over to kiss his nose. _

"_What was that for?" he said, glaring at her suspiciously. _

"_I like your nose," she replied simply, and wrinkled her own._

_InuYasha looked at her sideways and said, "My nose, wench?"_

_She nodded and he crawled over to her and kissed her squarely on the mouth._

"_I think I like those better," she said faintly._

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Kagome waved her friends goodbye as they ran down the steps from the shrine. Hiroshi lingered a little longer, smiling at Kagome. She found herself blushing at the attention, which only served to make his smile wider. He seemed to enjoy teasing her, drawing her out of her sadness. Putting his finger under his chin, he lifted her face so that she was looking at him and said, "I hope you had a good time today, Higurashi Kagome, and I hope you will allow me to take you out tomorrow night."

Kagome's eyes widened at his offer, and without thinking she nodded to him. He dropped his hand, waved a goodbye, and strode off. Kagome watched him leave. _Is he what you want, Kagome?_ She remembered the approving glances of her friends as they walked through the mall. Hiroshi had been generous, giving them all rides and buying lunch for them, and he had even offered to carry all of their bags for them. Kagome's friends had all managed to whisper into Kagome's ears about what a good find he was and how they were all going to consider signing up for summer school.

Kagome stood unmoving as Hiroshi's words rang in her ears. _I did have fun today. It was right to have fun today. I belong here, not five hundred years in the past._ But if she never went back, if she stayed here for the rest of her life, that meant…

_He died way back then._

The thought wouldn't sink in. Something told her it must be true, that even as a hanyou he couldn't have survived to this time, but another part of her just wouldn't believe it. As long as the well was open, even if she never went through it, he was alive. _Dead…dead…are you so weak InuYasha?_

Kagome shook her head, unable to believe anything, and turned around. She gasped at the gaunt figure behind her, who was staring at her with the more intensity than she thought she could bear.

"InuYasha."

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	9. Confronted

**Confronted**

"InuYasha"

The air choked itself out of Kagome's lungs. She coughed, trying to regain her breath. The apparition in front of her wouldn't disappear even as she tried to blink him away fiercely.

"Ka… Kagome," he rasped out, taking a step toward her. She wanted to turn and run, but her feet wouldn't move. Her whole body felt like lead, and her mind felt numb. _It's just your mind, Kagome. He's not here. He didn't come for you._ He lifted a hand to touch her face, and she gasped when she felt the contact, and didn't notice that he did the same.

"It's really… it's really you," she whispered, barely audible. Then her mind processed what her eyes were showing her. In all of her dreams of InuYasha coming for her, when had he looked like this? His hair was limp and tangled, and his body was thin, but most noticeably his eyes were dulled. In all her memories of him they were so full of passion and warmth, and in her dreams they had burned into her.

"Kagome… I thought that I'd… lost you," he said, taking his hand away.

_Lose me InuYasha? Didn't you throw me away? So maybe I am lost, but only to myself, I guess._ She didn't say anything.

"I need you, Kagome. I… I always have. I can't… live… if you're not there." His face was so full of pain, full of the question he couldn't bear to ask, but Kagome couldn't react to it.

_Am I alive, InuYasha? How can I know anymore? Why can't you tell me?_ She remained silent. InuYasha took another step toward her, coming in close and breathing her in deeply. She could feel her blood pounding in her head as she struggled not to submit.

"What do you want, Kagome?"

_To hurt you._

Disheartened by her reticence, InuYasha began to turn away, slowly heading for Goshinboku. "InuYasha," Kagome called out, her arms wrapped around herself and her body rocking slightly, "Why didn't you ever… Why didn't we…" she sighed, and looked as if the words were too painful to say, but she plunged on, needing to get them out, "Why didn't you ever mate me?"

Kagome didn't dare look at the hanyou as the words rang in the air, and InuYasha couldn't answer them. "I would have let you…" she continued, "You know I would have let you. You know every inch of my body… and I… know yours. . But you never…" Her eyes lifted to meet his as she whispered, "I should have known, huh."

"Kagome," InuYasha rasped, but he was cut short.

"No. I… don't want to hear it," she turned her back to him, unwilling to look at him while every part of her cried out to go to him. "I should have known… Stupid Kagome, right? I really thought… I thought…"

InuYasha came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she broke into tears. "I… wanted to," he said into her ear, "I wanted to… but I…" He couldn't think of why he never did.

"No!" Kagome shouted. She turned around and pounded a fist into his chest. "Don't lie to me! If you had wanted to, you would have done it! You would have done it." She collapsed against his chest and sank to her knees. InuYasha continued to hold her as she sobbed. When her breathing grew calmer, he lifted her face, and wiped away the remaining tears.

"Kagome," He said, staring into her eyes, "Please, believe me. It's what I want. What I've always wanted." Just for that moment, his eyes regained former luster, and just for that moment, Kagome believed him. He lowered his lips to hers, at first gently, then gaining intensity as she responded, tasting his mouth with unrelenting hunger. He wanted to devour her, to gain the part of himself he had lost when she was gone. Kagome moaned as his fangs dragged over her lips, and her entire body shook with the fierce desire they shared. InuYasha dragged his claws up her arms, down her back, over her thighs, igniting a flame that had been lost in all those days of separation.

InuYasha moved his mouth to flutter kisses over her eyes, her cheek, her jawbone, her neck. "InuYasha," she breathed, "InuYasha." He growled and his fangs grazed her neck, sending tremors through her body.

Suddenly Kagome pulled away, pushing her hands to her hot cheeks. _I can't do this. Not now._ Looking for something, anything to say, her eyes finally focused on something.

"What's in your hand?" she asked InuYasha. He looked surprised, but opened his hand to reveal the shikon no tama. Kagome looked at it, and then took it, letting her fingers linger over his.

Suddenly he pulled away, and put his hand on Tetsusaiga's hilt. "The heartbeat," he said, "It… came back." He pulled out the sword and watched as it transformed for him, seeming not to notice as Kagome walked a little bit away from him.

_What am I doing?_ She looked back at InuYasha, who still seemed transfixed by the sword, though he sheathed it when he saw her stare. _I don't want this. I can't go back to the way it was._

"Kagome?" InuYasha asked cautiously.

"I… I have to go."

"But… we're at your house. Where are you going?"

"Inside. I need to… to take a shower." She pressed her hands to her cheeks, and then walked past him. InuYasha started to follow her, planning to sit in her house and wait. Kagome whipped around and said, "Don't," before running into her house. She ran up the stairs and into her bathroom, turning on the water and stripping as quickly as she could. She stepped into the steam, and let the water hit her, pounding against her skin. _I have to wash it all away. I need to wash this away._

The salt from her tears joined the water swirling down the drain.

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InuYasha stood still in the spot where Kagome had left him. He unsheathed Tetsusaiga again, watching the blade transform. _This was real. She was real._ The blade stilled the worst of his fears, and a grim determination took him over. He would never have to go through the pain of losing Kagome again.

Now he didn't know what to do. He had found her, and for a minute he had held her. For a minute he had believed that none of this had happened and everything was the way it had been. He knew that it wasn't and that it never could be, but part of him blindly held on to the hope that Kagome would forgive him and go back to him.

When it became apparent that Kagome wasn't coming out any time soon, he walked over to the house. When he reached the door, however, Kagome's mother opened it and blocked his entrance. She smiled a little worriedly and said, "I'm sorry InuYasha, but it would probably be better if you didn't come in. You seemed to have upset Kagome somehow, and it would just be better if you stayed away for now."

InuYasha stared at the woman in complete shock. She looked at him apologetically and closed the door. _I'm not leaving,_ he thought forcefully and walked to the only familiar thing in this era. _You may not see me, Kagome, but I'm going to protect you,_ he silently thought from the cradle of Goshinboku's branches. _I'm not leaving you, and I'm not letting you go._

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha_


	10. Split

**Split**

InuYasha snarled quietly to himself as he watched the boy stand nervously in front of the door to Kagome's house. He was taller than average, with particularly dark features and skin. His hair was uneven and messy, and he while his stance looked lazy and cool, InuYasha could sense the tension coming off of him.

Kagome's mother opened the door, and gave a wide smile. "Why, Hirosh-"

The kid shook his head, silencing the woman. He put on a bright, nervous smile and said, "I'm here to pick up Kagome. We're going to dinner."

The older woman raised an eyebrow, but beckoned him to come in before hurrying off to find her daughter.

InuYasha quelled an impulse to smash the kid to a pulp. If Kagome actually liked this prick, then it would only upset her. He had to see, first, just how Kagome felt. And the minute she showed her disapproval, the kid was dead.

Kagome emerged nervously, her eyes straying to the trees. InuYasha was sure that she wouldn't be able to see him, but he still squirmed uncomfortably.

InuYasha watched them get into the car and drive off. He waited a few moments before following them, sticking to the shadows.

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Kagome looked across the candle lit table and said, "This dinner is very nice, Hiroshi."

He looked at her with an amused glint in his eye and said, "Seeing you, Kagome, makes me want to do nice things for you. Besides, you shouldn't stay cooped up in that house all the time."

Kagome blushed, and she heard Hiroshi sigh. She looked up at his face, and was startled for a moment as the irises in his eyes looked silver. She blinked and it was gone.

"Look, I probably should have told you this before. Despite what this dinner seems, Kagome, I don't have any romantic interest in you. I like you, a lot, but just not like that. So stop being so nervous. We're friends."

Kagome smiled brightly. _Friends…_

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When InuYasha woke up, Kagome was gone. At first he wasn't particularly worried. For the past week he had watched her go to school in the morning, followed her, sat just beneath the window during her classes, and stalked her when she went back to the shrine with that boy, _Hiroshi._

He snorted as he thought of the kid. As of yet, he hadn't made his presence known to him for a few reasons. The first reason was, and always would be, Kagome. If he injured the boy, he knew that not only would she be upset, but she would also be aware of his presence here. His other reasons weren't discernable even to him, but he had no desire to injure him. Something about the kid made him completely unthreatening, and even when his jealousy flared up, he couldn't find it in him to hurt the damn kid.

_Kagome_. That name had brought so much pain recently. He remembered the last conversation he had had with her before he started his constant watch. It had been quiet, detached, almost as if it had happened to someone else. Only the pain in his chest let him know that it was he who had experienced it.

"_InuYasha… you're still here…" Kagome said, confusion obvious in her voice._

_InuYasha could smell a sort of fear on her, but he couldn't tell why she would be afraid of him. "Where would I have gone?" he asked cautiously._

"_Back…" Her eyes fell._

_Both were silent as InuYasha tried to understand how Kagome could think he would leave her here. Kagome seemed to be in deep thought._

"_Why don't you… why don't you go see Kikyou?" Kagome finally asked, breaking the silence. InuYasha started, his eyes flaring wide in surprise._

"_Kikyou?" he choked out. He shook his head and cast his eyes downward. "Why would I go see her?" he asked softly._

_Kagome's eyes remained focused on the ground. "She… loves you. A lot."_

_A dagger shot through InuYasha's heart at those words._ What are you saying, Kagome? Don't you love me? Could I ever love another? _He tried to focus on what she was feeling, but her scent only gave off a jumble of emotions as confused as his own._

"_Kikyou… Kikyou is dead. She died… around the time you got sick."_

_Kagome shook her head, not believing his words. "But her soul… our soul… _my_ soul… I didn't get it back. She can't be dead." Kagome looked tearful and her voice dropped to a whisper as she said, "She can't be."_

_InuYasha looked at her, reaching out to touch her, but she flinched as he raised his hand. He carefully lowered it, and said softly, "Maybe it wasn't your soul anymore. It was given to you, but maybe after being back in Kikyou for so long, it didn't belong to you anymore."_

"_InuYasha?" Kagome asked, surprise lighting her eyes. He shrugged, blushing slightly, and turned to the direction of the well house. As he walked away, he could feel Kagome relax. During their talk, her body had been tight with nervousness, and he knew that he was the cause of it. When he had spoken of Kikyou she had grown sad, something that InuYasha couldn't understand. And yet, there had been something else there, behind all of her foremost emotions. A sort of suppressed desire behind all of her actions. He shook himself and hid in the well house until he was sure that Kagome thought he was gone._

Kikyou's soul… He could tell that Kagome hadn't believed him. What he had wanted to say, tried to say, was that Kikyou's soul wasn't bound to him anymore, while Kagome's soul was bound in all ways but one. _One slightly major way,_ he thought remorsefully. But he knew he couldn't do it, not yet. _I have to tell her… But…_

InuYasha brought himself out of his reverie. Something was nagging at his senses, something that wasn't quite right. He sniffed the air, and found what was bothering him. Kagome wasn't just gone, she wasn't _here_. The very earth spoke of her absence. She had gone through the well.

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Kagome sat in the bottom of the well, unsure of whether or not she should go up. All she remembered was waking up with a horrible feeling in her stomach, and she threw on her clothes and jumped through the well. Something was wrong, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to know what. _InuYasha… what if something happened to him?_

Her chest constricted as the thought passed through her mind. _If something did happen to him, he wouldn't want you here. Not after what you said to him._ The memory of their conversation from a little less than a week ago still made her stomach roil with guilt. She hadn't wanted to bring up Kikyou, but when the thought had hit her, it had grown bigger until she couldn't not say it. Maybe Kagome had never meant to be with InuYasha at all. Maybe she was just a lesser replacement of Kikyou, one that was obsolete as long as the priestess walked the earth. Kikyou was so much stronger than Kagome, she would never lose herself the way that Kagome did. She would never be foolish enough to hope for something that could not be. And when Kagome's mind had strayed to this line of thought, it had become too overwhelming for Kagome to keep quiet. The pain that had come over his face had been unbearable, but when he had told her that Kikyou was dead, she couldn't help but blame herself. _I ruined his only chance at happiness… and he took mine._

The only thing accomplished by the conversation was that she had convinced him to cross over through the well. At first she was shocked that it had been that easy, and slightly sad that he would abandon her so quickly. She painfully reminded herself, however, that it wasn't the first time. She resigned herself to believe that he was gone again, though sometimes when she wasn't thinking she would turn around, as if he had just been standing there, as if she could touch him… she found her eyes straying to the tree branches, hoping for a glimpse him before she caught herself and brought her eyes back to the ground.

The worst was when she was with Hiroshi. She could just feel InuYasha's eyes on her every time she was with him, watching her every move, ready to spring if Hiroshi ever tried anything. Even when she did relax enough to enjoy his company, she found that she held no attraction to him at all. He was kind and sweet, but she felt nothing with him besides gratitude that he never pushed her to do anything except be what she was. She hadn't realized how tired she was after spending over a year in the past, and Hiroshi seemed to understand when she was feeling uncommunicative. He never told her what to do, and he was always incredibly understanding. She was relieved, however, when he told her at dinner that he had no romantic interest in her. She had been surprised at his honesty, and a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders. Somehow she was always afraid of betraying InuYasha. _Stupid,_ she told herself, _you can't betray him if he's not even here._

Now, at the bottom of the well, she was unsure of herself. _Action, Kagome. It's time to make a decision._ She stood up, brushed herself off, and started climbing out. She quickly paused again, her worry rendering her still.

_What if I don't like what I see? What if he's in trouble?_

_It doesn't matter_ what's _wrong, you just need to help if you can._

_And if I can't?_

_You aren't the weakling they make you out to be!_

She swallowed hard, and climbed the ladder quickly, before her confidence could fail her.

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InuYasha looked at the well house, wondering what could have possibly drawn Kagome to pass through. Perhaps… to see him? He shook his head. It wasn't possible after what she had said to him. Maybe she missed the others. He knew that they missed her. He realized with a lurch in his stomach how selfish he had been before, when he had refused to see her. He had known that the others missed her, but he had ignored their pleas, only going to see her when desperation had set in.

_Selfish? I thought that she was dead. How could I have known? How could I believe them when I saw her death every day in front of my own eyes?_

It didn't change the fact. He, InuYasha, had been and was keeping Kagome from her friends. Their faces flashed in front of his eyes. My _friends… they were my friends, too._ He remembered with pain how they had tried to coax him down from the tree. Sango, trying to get him to eat, begging him out of her honest care for him. Miroku, trying to persuade him. Shippou, pleading with him. A low growl escaped him and he punched his fist into the ground beneath him. _When did I let this happen? When did I start treating everyone like this? What if I… treated Kagome like this? Selfish…_

He suddenly relaxed his muscles. _I should let her visit. She is a better friend to them, anyway. They_ need _her. What am I to them?_

He was just about to turn away when he felt as if an arrow had hit him in the chest, as though his entire world had just been destroyed. Something was wrong, horribly wrong. Kagome was in pain. He hurled himself into the well, and waited for the pink light to wash over him.

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_Thanks to everyone who reviewed!_

_-RadioNmyHead_

_AN: Mmorg hates me…stupid formatting…_


	11. Ashes

**Ashes**

Kagome's stomach reeled as she stared at the scene before her. _This… can't be happening. InuYasha… InuYasha should have been here to protect them…_ Her thoughts trailed off, unable to find something safe to focus on.

The town, previously composed of small wooden huts filled with hard working humans, was in shambles. Everything was destroyed, and the remains of humans and demons alike littered the ground. Kagome stood, watching fires consume the remains of the huts slowly, leisurely, with nothing to stop them and no one left to have cause to stop them. Her entire body started shaking uncontrollably with the horror of the sight.

_The people… there has to be someone left. Sango, Miroku, tell me you are alright. Tell me that you protected Kaede and Shippou. Tell me this isn't happening,_

She had first found Kaede's hut, right on the outskirts of town. Seeing the destruction, she had run right into the smoke and ash, but was forced to leave as it choked her. As far as she could tell, there had been nobody in it when the fire was started.

_But where are they now?_ She had found herself frozen to the spot, terrified to see what had become of her friends. _Can't even go to see for yourself, Kagome? _the inner voice taunted her_, Afraid of dealing with this without him?_

She shook her head. _Kagome… you can't rely on anyone else any longer._ She steeled herself, and broke into a run to see if there was nothing she could do to alleviate the situation. She carefully stopped herself from thinking that there may not be anyone left to help.

She ran into the first hut, refusing to be blocked by the smoke this time. As she gained desperate confidence in herself, she began to glow in a pinkish aura. Though she didn't notice the weak barrier around her, she was less affected by the smoke and was able to get through the debris. The first hut was empty, so she quickly hurried on to the next, and the next, searching for a sign of life. By the time she reached the last hut on the path, her desperation had grown so fierce that she threw herself through the door, even though she could hear the building collapsing. The roof fell, but Kagome remained untouched as her intensified barrier blocked all of the rubble. Seeing the last chance of any survivors crumble beneath her, Kagome let out a cry of anguished rage. She stormed onto the path, noting the dead youkai-hawk youkai-and prepared to take her revenge. A soft hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Kagome," Sango said, looking at the girl with tears in her eyes. Kagome freely let her own tears fall as she fiercely hugged the slayer, but she pulled back when Sango flinched.

"You're hurt," she gasped.

Sango gave her a wan smile. "I'm fine. Just a few scratches. Miroku already bandaged me up."

"Miroku? He's okay? And the others? Where are they?" She lowered her voice and said, "InuYasha?"

Sango didn't answer right away. "The survivors of the town are not far away," she said slowly, "Come on, I'll show you." She shot Kagome a worried glance, and Kagome didn't fail to catch the glimmer of sorrow in Sango's eyes. Kagome could feel fear wrapping around her as Sango dodged her questions.

Sango led her to a tired looking group of people. Kagome looked to see if she could help them, but they were all already taken care of.

"Where is Miroku?" Kagome asked, noting his obvious workmanship on the wounded.

Sango flinched and shook her head. "He… I don't know where he is. He left… earlier today. He was just… gone."

Kagome touched Sango's arm, trying to comfort her friend in some small way. "But he was okay, wasn't he Sango?" she asked. Sango nodded with downcast eyes. Kagome almost broke down completely. "Oh, Sango, I'm so glad you are all right!" Her voice dropped to a whisper, "I was so… scared…"

Sango gave Kagome a pleading look, and took her to a few burial mounds.

"We haven't had the time or energy to… bury everyone yet, though Miroku… Miroku went through all of the proper rites," she said quietly. A tear fell as she gestured to one of the graves. "Kirara…"

Horror filled Kagome's heart as she realized what Sango was saying. "No, Sango, oh no…" Kirara was the one person left from Sango's life in the demon-slaying village, her only family. "Oh, Kirara…" she said, offering up a silent prayer to the cat.

"She was… protecting them… Kaede and Shippou… and she couldn't…"

Kagome embraced her friend, letting their tears mingle in the dust. Sango closed her eyes, straining herself to be able to tell Kagome the rest of it.

"No, Kagome, you… you don't understand. She died protecting them… but when she died…" Sango's voice cracked. Tears were falling freely now as she pushed to continue. "When she died there was no one left to protect them… Oh, Kagome, they died. Kaede and Shippou…"

Kagome started violently shaking. "What?" she asked, her voice deathly low. Sango couldn't look at her. A strangled cry escaped Kagome's lips. "Shippou," she called out, "Shippou! Shippou!" She was screaming his name, a scream that came from the depths of her soul.

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InuYasha burst out of the burning hut when he heard the cry. So far they had all been empty, and the smoke and ash was burning his eyes and making him choke. He doubted that he would ever be able to use his nose again, but at that moment nothing mattered but Kagome.

He had recognized that cry. It was the truly primal cry of a mother who has lost her young. Shippou…InuYasha clenched his teeth. Not Shippou… He sprinted to Kagome.

Her body was thrown over a mound of freshly turned dirt. She was shuddering, and InuYasha could smell the tears that were falling, mingling with the dirt. One sniff at the mound and InuYasha could tell who was buried beneath it. The graves to either side held Kirara and Kaede. InuYasha bowed his head, clenching his fists and trying to keep control over his body. _I wasn't there to protect them. I wasn't there to protect him._

"The youkai," he growled, "the hawk youkai… why did they come?"

Kagome didn't respond to his voice. It was doubtful that she had even heard him. Sango looked at InuYasha and said, "The hawk youkai… the one that I killed… just before you left… this was its tribe, its… family. The youkai was younger than I had thought. Its parents were much more powerful, and they brought so many more with them… and I…" she choked on a sob, "I killed their young and they killed ours… Oh, kami, I brought them here…"

"Quiet," InuYasha barked. Sango tried to get control over her breathing as sobs refused to be swallowed. Kagome lifted her head and turned her blood-shot eyes to InuYasha. He met her stare, silently fearing what her reaction might be, but unable to look away, unable to deny his responsibility. She stood up, covered with dirt, and approached him. _Does she blame me? How can she not?_ He stood motionless, completely unsure of what Kagome was going to do but ready to accept it regardless.

Kagome closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In one quick motion she threw her arms around InuYasha and buried her head in his haori. He slowly wrapped his arms around her.

"I was so worried…" she whispered, "You weren't here and I… and he's… and they're…" InuYasha stroked her hair as the sobs consumed her body again. He shushed her and moved to wipe the dirt off of her face, as his own tears hit the earth below. He clung to her as his pain came out in short, stunted sobs.

"Shippou," she murmured, "Kaede, Kirara. My family… my family"

Sango watched the couple sadly before turning away. She understood how Kagome felt. That day, Sango had lost a little brother, an aunt and a sister. But Kagome… Kagome had lost her son. Sango turned her head to face the soft breeze, the wind that was sweeping all the smoke and ash away from the town, and closed her eyes. _I killed the child of two parents… How can I mourn for my own? How can I possibly atone?_

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_AN: I lied…_ _this_ _will probably be the last chapter until January. But then again, it seems I have a tendency to go back on my word…_

_I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	12. Reflections

**Reflections**

Kagome opened her eyes, facing the pounding headache. Two red-clothed arms held her securely. She looked at InuYasha's eyes and snuggled more closely to him. She had grown exhausted from mourning, and InuYasha had watched over her throughout the night.

"InuYasha," she whispered, "Where were you?"

InuYasha didn't have to ask her when she meant. He was pensive for a moment. An overwhelming sense of guilt had been eating away at him as he sat through the night. He had neglected his forest, his town, his family, and now… "I was… with you. At your house. In your time."

"What?" Kagome breathed. She didn't know what to think. "You didn't leave… when I told you to." She disentangled herself from him and stood up. "You stayed behind. All those times that I thought you were there… you _were_ there."

Kagome had started crying again. InuYasha remained silent. _What can I say? What can I tell her that would change the fact that I wasn't there and I couldn't come through for them?_

Kagome shook her head and walked off. InuYasha made to follow her but pulled back. _What could I say that would make it better?_

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_He wasn't there to protect them because of me. All of this… because of me._ Kagome knelt down at Shippou's grave, placing a few toys on top of it alongside the flowers that Sango had left. At Kaede's grave were a bow and a quiver of arrows, and at Kirara's grave, a small bell. Kagome closed her eyes and tried to form a prayer, but none would come. Sango approached her and knelt down next to her. They sat in silence for a few moments before Kagome spoke.

"Sango, what happened? I mean, I know that there were… youkai… but what actually happened?"

Sango took a deep breath before responding. "I killed a hawk youkai before InuYasha went to your time. I didn't realize… I didn't know that it was relatively young. I just thought it was another youkai attacking, and I killed it. The parents of that youkai tracked it here and found its remains. They left, and when they returned, they brought the fighters of their tribe back with them. They attacked during the night, taking us by surprise. There aren't… there weren't many fighters in the village. It was mostly up to me, Kirara, and Miroku…" Sango swallowed. "There were… too many. We couldn't stop them. But once they realized that they were losing members of their tribe, they retreated and set fire to the village."

Kagome listened silently with her eyes closed while Sango told her this, and nodded, turning back to the graves as soon as she was done. _InuYasha could have stopped this from happening,_ she thought bitterly, _but he was watching over me. I should have known. I should have known he was with me. He's always with me._ She turned her head, and as if to confirm her guilt, InuYasha was leaning against a tree watching her with hidden eyes. _This… is my fault._

InuYasha moved away from the tree and walked toward the girls, but he spoke to Sango, not Kagome. "Sango, has Miroku returned yet?"

She looked down at her lap and shook her head. InuYasha frowned and sniffed the wind. "I can… find him, if you want," he said. Sango nodded, and InuYasha motioned for her to climb on his back.

"I'll be back soon," he said to Kagome.

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Miroku sat in the dark of the forest, tracing his perfect palm with the tip of his finger. He heard InuYasha and Sango's approach, but did not turn around right away. He knew that he could not explain why he had left. InuYasha gently placed Sango on the ground and departed without a word.

"Houshi-sama," Sango said quietly, "Please return. We need to rebuild. We need help. I need help. I need _you_."

Miroku could tell that Sango was crying, and that alone was enough to cause him to turn around. He stood up and walked over to her, though did not touch her.

"Sango," he said, staring over her head, "I have made a decision."

Sango nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"I wish to quit my profession. I wish to no longer be a monk."

Sango stared at him with wide eyes as he finally brought his head down to look at her.

"Never again do I wish to send so many souls on. I do not want to live a life where I am always there to view the last of life, and never have the chance to be the one to start a new life. I couldn't help them. All my prayers, all my knowledge, it could do nothing for them. After all these years, my faith is waning."

"Can you do that, Houshi-sama? Can you just quit doing what you have done for so long? What your father did before you?" Her voice trailed off.

Miroku gave her a faint smile. "I am Houshi no more, Sango," he closed his eyes, letting himself taste those words, "That is, if you will help me. I want a family Sango. I want… a wife."

"Are you… asking me?"

Miroku gave the tiniest of nods.

Sango took a deep breath.

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"Kagome."

Kagome looked up at InuYasha.

"I'm going… to find them," she said.

"The hawks?" InuYasha asked, "The taka youkai?"

"Yes. I'm going to find the ones who did this. I'm going to purify them. All of them. If there is anything good in them, anything at all, they will survive."

He shook his head. "I'm not letting you go. You're staying here with Sango and Miroku where you are safe, and you are going to help them rebuild the town."

Kagome hung her head. "Don't tell me what to do," she whispered.

"What?" InuYasha asked, though they both knew that he had heard her.

"I said, don't tell me what to do. I know what I want to do, and I'm going to do it! I'm going after the hawk youkai, with or without you."

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"I can't marry you, Hou-Miroku," Sango said.

He stared into her eyes, the hurt obvious. "I see," he said simply, turning away from her and lifting his face to the sky.

"My whole life… I have been… a slayer. I exterminated youkai for a living. And then… my family died. My brother used his skills… to kill my family. And I used my skills to get revenge. I have killed again and again and again. And now… because of what I did…and I couldn't even use those skills to stop it from happening… And now I'm the only one left…" she trailed off, took a deep breath, and started again. "How can I possibly be a mother after killing so many? How can I… how can I…"

"How can I have a family after living my life as a monk?" he asked, grabbing her hands. "You said it yourself, Sango. We need… to rebuild."

"I can't replace them, Miroku. I can't just make it all better by having children."

"I know."

"There isn't anything I _can_ do!"

"You can marry me, Sango."

They had been inching closer together, and now Sango leaned her head on his chest. "I don't deserve you," she said, almost inaudibly. He wrapped his arms around her.

"You're right. You deserve better."

He could feel her start to cry against him. "I want to," she said. Miroku breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

"Sango, you can't fix everything around you. You can't do everything alone."

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"I won't let you do this alone."

"Then come with me," Kagome said, strapping her quiver to her back. InuYasha grabbed her backpack and stopped her from putting it on her back.

"You shouldn't go at all. You aren't even making sense! Youkai can't survive purification. You know that."

"It'll be a lot faster if I have your nose to find them with."

InuYasha snorted and pulled the bag out of her hands. He put it on his own back and glared at her.

"Let's go."

Kagome hesitated, wondering whether or not they should tell Sango that they were leaving.

"What, such a fuss and now you're not coming?" InuYasha asked impatiently.

Kagome glared at him before saying, "We can't just leave without telling anyone. They'll worry. And we can't leave the people unprotected."

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"Can we… leave this place? Start over again?" Sango asked. Miroku stared into her eyes and ran his hand over the side of her face. She hung her head, "No, we can't leave, can we. I don't _want_ to start over again."

"We should get back to the villagers. I shouldn't have left the way I did. I needed time to think. I apologize. But I was being selfish. I see that now."

Sango gave him a weak smile and took his hand as they began to walk back to the village.

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_AN: This is what happened when I should have been studying for finals. I just hope my grades don't reflect it…_

_I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	13. Mourning

**Mourning**

Kagome closed her eyes and leaned her head on the doorframe of her house. She didn't feel like going in. Inside there would be questions, there would be sympathy, there would be advice. She wished that she had someone to be there with her when she went inside, but that wasn't an option. Sympathy was the last thing she wanted. If she could just forget it, it would be like nothing ever happened.

She wanted to do something, anything at this moment. If she could keep busy enough, maybe it would stop her from hurting so badly. She wanted to jump back through the well and get revenge. Revenge would fill her with anger instead of this pervading emptiness, though she knew she couldn't go back yet.

"_Kagome, you can't just go after the taka like this," InuYasha said, "You don't even have any supplies! Your bag just has your school books in it."_

_Kagome glanced at the bag that InuYasha was holding. "You know how to hunt, don't you?" He didn't respond to that. She sighed and took it out of his hands._

"_We shouldn't leave right away, anyway," he continued, steering her toward the well, "They need help. This wouldn't of happened if I… if I had been here. I have to help fix it."_

_Kagome felt a wrenching in her stomach and nodded. What InuYasha was implying, that they didn't need her here, it hurt. She hadn't thought she could hurt anymore than she already did, but she was quickly being proved wrong. She threw her bag down the well and followed it._

"Kagome?"

She turned her head at the familiar voice. "Hiroshi?" she said. She gave a halfhearted smile. "Why are you here?"

Hiroshi waved off her question. "What's wrong Kagome? You look… terrible."

Kagome tried to choke out a laugh, but it ended up in a sob. Hiroshi looked completely panicked, but put his arm around the girl in an attempt to console her. "I'm sorry," she sniffed, getting control over herself.

"Hey, it's alright," he said looking straight into her eyes with a sympathetic smile, "Do you want to go inside? I could make you some tea," Hiroshi paused seeing Kagome's shaking head, "or we could just go out and get some. Come on," he said, taking her arm, "It'll make you feel better."

She sniffed and nodded. She didn't really feel like going anywhere, but she knew that Hiroshi wouldn't pressure her to tell him what's wrong. She let him lead her to his car and got in the passenger door.

"I know this great little place," Hiroshi said, starting the engine.

_Ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt_

"_Who are you?" Sango asked, fear choking her voice._

"_My name is Kuroaki, and I already know who you are. You are the one who slayed my son, Daichi." The youkai was tall, with yellow flashing eyes, dark skin and black, feathery hair. His hands were more like talons, and he kept flexing them agitatedly. He was dressed in full body armor, which only accentuated his dark features. His mate let off a shriek of anger, coming to stand next to him. Her hair was even darker, almost bluish in hue, and she too was wearing armor._

"_He was my son. He was going to be our next leader," she said, her voice piercing. Sango flinched and noticed movement around her. More taka youkai were landing around the village. The villagers were scrambling to their houses in fear._

"_I see that you have no children of your own, woman," the Kuroaki said, "But many humans in this town do. Perhaps I shall kill them so you shall know the fear of having no future to follow you."_

"_No, please no!" Sango cried out. Kirara leaped from her shoulder, transforming into her larger form. Sango looked at her, silently begging her to find Shippou and protect him. The cat understood what she wanted and took off to find the kitsune. She didn't see a few of the youkai detach and follow the cat._

"_You can still have children, can't you?" Sango asked, stalling for time, for a miracle, for anything._

_The female shrieked again in her fury and the male said, "That one was her first, and as the daughter of our leader, her first would have been the most powerful. Any others that she has could be weaklings, as weak as the common takas."_

"_Why not fight me? Why go after them?" Sango shifted hiraikotsu, poised to strike at the leader._

_He laughed. "I will not fight you, human._ You _will survive as your loved ones are torn to shreds."_

_Sango cried out and threw Hiraikotsu, aiming for the youkai's neck. He dodged the bone and on its return knocked it to the ground out of Sango's reach. As she reached to grab her sword, she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. Miroku was fighting off a taka that was trying to get into one of the huts. She hesitated, and as she did the female struck her across the chest with a claw, hard enough for her to lose the use of her arm for a while, but skilled enough so that she would keep consciousness and not die of blood loss. She turned to see a taka descend on Miroku and she screamed._

"Wake up, Sango, wake up!"

Sango gasped and sat straight up, knocking Miroku over. She stared at him with wild eyes before standing up and running outside. Miroku followed her with a dish of water. She splashed the water over her face, taking long, large breaths.

"Another nightmare?" he asked.

_More like a flashback,_ she thought. She nodded.

"I could hear you from where I was sleeping."

She nodded. It didn't surprise her. Every time she fell asleep she was struck with another nightmare. "I'm going back to bed," she said. Miroku waited until she was back inside before stationing himself next to her door.

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"Where are we?" Kagome asked Hiroshi, looking at the unfamiliar buildings around her. "I don't think I've ever been to this part of town before."

Hiroshi shrugged and poked his head into the little café. Kagome waited patiently while scanned the costumers. "All right, it's all clear. Let's go in."

The inside was dimly lighted, but it was clean and lent a sense of privacy to the costumers. Hiroshi led Kagome to a table, but instead of sitting down with her, he went up to the man at the bar and spoke to him for a second. He turned back to Kagome and smiled, heading for their table. Kagome tried to manage a smile but failed entirely.

"Thanks for bringing me here, Hiroshi," she said quietly, "I needed to get away."

He smiled and said, "Oh, I was just looking for an excuse to come here."

Kagome looked up in surprise, but relaxed when she realized he was joking. "It means a lot to me," she said, her voice breaking. "I…"

The waiter set their tea on the table. "Drink," Hiroshi said, "It will make you feel better."

Kagome nodded as tears slipped down her cheeks. She took a sip of her tea and gasped. "This… is really good tea," she said before breaking into sobs.

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_A hawk circled around Sango's head. Kuroaki called to it, and it flew lower, letting out a triumphant cry. Kuroaki smiled coldly. "It seems that my men have done more than what was required of them. Not only have you lost your future, slayer, but you have lost your present and your past."_

_The hawk above her dropped three corpses from its talons. Sango looked in horror at Shippou, Kirara and Kaede. She pulled out her sword, ignoring the searing pain going across her chest. Kuroaki laughed at her. His wife let out a cry to the taka, and the youkai all took off. Sango let off a wail as she dropped her sword and collapsed._

Sango woke up just as Miroku bent down to check on her. She grabbed him, throwing her arms around him and sobbing, "I killed them, I killed them." Miroku shushed her, and sat down, pulling her into his lap. He stayed there until her breathing calmed and then slowed. Sango did not dream for the rest of the night.

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"Feel better?" Hiroshi asked as Kagome finished her third cup of tea.

She nodded, genuinely smiling at him. After letting her sobs out, the tea had helped her calm down. She glanced around at the other costumers, saying, "There is something strange about this place." Hiroshi didn't say anything, but he had an amused smile on his face. "What were you looking for when we first came in?" Kagome asked.

"Oh, I just wanted to make sure that my favorite table was empty. No use coming if you can't have the best seat in the house."

Kagome nodded absently, noting that the best table seemed to be the very back corner of the place. She just couldn't place her finger on what was bothering her about this place, and her thoughts dropped back to Sengoku Jidai. "I should probably go home," she said at last, "They might be wondering where I am."

Hiroshi nodded and stood up, leaving some money on the table. They waved goodbye to the manager and stepped back onto the street. "Can we come here again sometime?" Kagome asked.

Hiroshi smiled and said, "Count on it."

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_Ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt_

_Daichi: Grand First Son_

_Kuroaki: Black Forest_

_AN: Formatting is the most frustrating thing on earth._


	14. Instinct

**Instinct**

Kagome's breath caught in her throat when she saw InuYasha standing by the well house. She had just left Hiroshi by the shrine steps, and InuYasha was the last person she expected to see after what he had said to her earlier. He was completely calm, gazing at her with the slightest trace of curiosity. Kagome was first reminded of everything that had happened recently, but as she approached him, drawn in through his eyes, everything melted away. He didn't move when he saw her, and only spoke to say softly, "Are you ready to go?"

Kagome was jarred back into reality. She shook her head guiltily and shrank away from him. "I'll be back in a minute," she said, retreating to her house before he could ask what she had been doing for the past few hours.

_Baka,_ she said to herself, _You are such a baka. You just want to fall into his arms and let him take care of everything. Do you think he even wants you anymore?_ She darted up to her room, hoping her family wouldn't hear her, and started stuffing her bag with clothes, barely paying attention to what she was packing.

When she went back outside InuYasha was still leaning against the wall, this time looking slightly impatient. He quickly blanked his expression when he saw her.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, "I mean, are you sure you want to go after the youkai?"

She looked down at the ground, feeling her will waver. _It won't solve anything, will it. But I… I don't care._ She lifted her chin in a high arrogant manner, and nodded at him once. He nodded back at her, and they traveled through the well together.

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_What took you so long, Kagome?_ InuYasha wondered for the hundredth time. _Where were you coming from when you saw me at the well?_ He couldn't ask her. Seeing her mournful face and knowing he couldn't fix it was enough to make him want to tear the earth to pieces. He felt that if he lost control of himself at all he would shatter the world and Kagome along with it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked Kagome, for probably the tenth time this day. No matter how he spun it to himself, he couldn't see Kagome going after anyone in revenge. Even after he had spent a year with her in his own quest for revenge, he knew that Kagome would have simply taken the shards off of Naraku instead of help destroy him if she had had her way. _I thought I knew you so well, Kagome. Was I blind to you? Or have you changed so much suddenly?_

She looked him directly in the eyes and said, "Yes. I am sure."

He nodded, blowing out the breath he had been holding. Even now, even when he disagreed with her, he was still amazed by her. "I asked Sango where to look for them, but she said she had never heard of any taka tribe as powerful as these were."

"Fine," Kagome said, and simply started walking without a specific direction in mind. InuYasha jumped in front of her.

"Where are you going?" he demanded.

"You said that we don't have any hints to help us, so we'll just have to find him without any."

"Kagome-"

"No! I'm going, InuYasha. I won't wait here any longer."

"They need us, Kagome." InuYasha knew that this was a losing argument. What he didn't know what why he felt wrong about leaving. His first reaction was to seek revenge, but seeing Kagome so adamant about it was making him rethink his instincts.

"They didn't need you when you were pinned to a tree all those years," Kagome said, "They didn't need us when we were searching for Naraku. Why now? Why do they suddenly need us now? Why do you suddenly need to stay behind when I need you? Kami, I _need_ you, InuYasha."

InuYasha refused to look at her, setting his jaw. This was wrong, he _knew_ this was wrong. Kagome let out a little angry puff of air, and walked off. InuYasha opened his mouth to stop her, but was distracted as a tall, proud youkai strode into the clearing. The youkai paused, without seeming to see either Kagome or InuYasha.

"There is the scent of death here," Sesshoumaru said, seemingly to himself.

"What do you want, Sesshoumaru?" InuYasha growled at him.

"The scent of hawks, as well," Sesshoumaru said, as a little girl and a small toad burst out from the undergrowth. Sesshoumaru glanced down at them and simply said, "Come." They walked past InuYasha.

"Wait," InuYasha said to Sesshoumaru's retreating back. "Sesshoumaru-"

"Stop!" Kagome cried, darting in front of Seshoumaru and planting herself firmly. The youkai stared down into her face. Kagome swallowed hard. "Please, my friends…"

Sesshoumaru's hand dropped to the hilt of tenseiga. He turned to face InuYasha and said, "It's too late. The monk sent them on. There is nothing I can do."

InuYasha punched the ground as Kagome sank to her knees. "But the taka…" she said, "Do you know where they are?"

Sesshoumaru walked around her but paused when he was directly behind her. "I have heard of a tribe of taka that resides in the North," he said without turning around. He strode quickly away with Jaken and Rin in his wake. Kagome squeezed her eyes closed, unwilling to cry again.

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_You taught me this, Kaede. I should have done it more, but I'll try now. I just need to empty my mind._

InuYasha glanced over at Kagome. She was sitting cross-legged on the ground, controlling her breathing in slow, measured breaths. He had seen her do it a couple of times before, though only when she was forced to by Kaede. He cautiously sniffed the air, checking for any signs of dangerous youkai, and satisfied with his scan, left to go find dinner.

He stopped by a stream and scanned the water for fish. Timing it perfectly, he snatched one out of the water with his claw. He reflected on how little Kagome had been eating recently and decided that tonight he would force her if he had to.

He had already known that there was nothing that Sesshoumaru could have done. Even if Miroku had not sent their souls, it would still be too late for them. He snatched another fish out of the water. Still, as long as there was the chance, he knew he couldn't let it go. _I didn't expect Kagome to throw herself in front of him, though,_ he thought darkly. _Kagome no baka… InuYasha no baka._

When he returned with the gutted fish ready to be cooked, Kagome was deep in her meditation with a slight pink radiance around her. InuYasha set the fish over their little fire and stared at her. Even though the effects of her grief were still apparent, she looked beautiful and peaceful in the dusky glow. A cold breeze blew in and flung her hair around, but she didn't stir. The gust hit the fire and InuYasha tore his eyes away from Kagome to build it back up as the cold night air settled in.

The smell of cooked fish brought Kagome back into herself. She slowly opened her eyes and looked across the fire straight into InuYasha's eyes. He stood up and grabbed a piece of fish to hand to her. She took the fish, but didn't eat it. She was never hungry after her meditation, though she knew she would be later. InuYasha glared at the fish in her hand, obviously annoyed at her reluctance to eat it.

"Save it for me," she said, standing up and stretching. "I'm going to go take a bath." She paused and looked around, slightly disoriented.

"There's a hot spring a little bit in that direction," InuYasha said, jerking his thumb behind him. Kagome nodded and let her head drop to InuYasha's chest for a minute, breathing in his scent, before going to find the spring.

She sank into the water, wondering why she thought that a hot spring would wake her up at all. She sighed happily and wondered if InuYasha would find her if she just fell asleep in the water. Suddenly she snapped her head up. _Did I just…_ she groaned a little when she realized what she had just done. _But it seemed so natural…_ She hung her head. _I miss the way he smells._

When Kagome returned to the campsite, InuYasha stared at her with cautious eyes. She picked up some of the fish that InuYasha had left for her and started to eat. He seemed satisfied enough with that, and turned away from her to stare into the forest.

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Sango was working on the garden very meticulously, carefully handling each plant, examining the ground for the tiniest green hint of a weed, and checking every single leaf of each plant for a sign of sickness. She kept telling herself that she was only going through this painstaking procedure in order to assure a good crop of vegetables, since food was going to be a little scarce for a while.

"You know, if you take any better care of those plants they'll forget how to do it themselves," Miroku commented, peering over at her labor.

"Slacking off again, Miroku?" Sango asked without looking up. She had found a particularly rooted weed.

"Me, Sango? Never."

Sango yanked at the weed in complete frustration, and when it came out she fell backwards with the force of her movement and landed on her back.

"Seems to me that _you_ are taking a little rest now, also. Which is just as well, since I was hoping that we could go on a walk together."

Sango sniffed and righted herself. "Not all of us have the luxury of goofing off all day," she said, moving to another patch of plants. Miroku blocked her path.

"And some of us can't just throw ourselves into our work and pretend nothing else exists in the world but a small patch of garden."

"I'm not pretending anything," Sango said, trying to move around Miroku. He wouldn't budge.

"Then you shouldn't be blocking out life."

Sango's inhalation sounded like a hiss. "Life, Miroku? Life? Look around. We're surrounded by graves."

"You can't stop living just because others died. It wasn't your fau-"

Sango cut him off. "Don't say it, Miroku. Don't you ever lie to me."

Miroku looked her in the eyes and said very slowly and deliberately, "_It's not your fault_. And until you stop blaming yourself, you can't move on. It wasn't your fault."

Sango stared at him angrily and stomped off. Miroku closed his eyes and shook his head sadly. He knew he would find her later keeping vigil at Kirara's grave. He also knew that he couldn't fill the space of her long time friend, or stop the hurt. _How can I help you, Sango?_

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_AN: Sorry for the delay on this chapter… and the shortness, but I had a concussion and then post concussion syndrome. I'm fine now… but that was an intense period of headaches._

**Sueric:**

**I gotta tell you, I don't like Hiroshi. I think maybe because he's so ... Houjou-esque... LOL Nice guys, you know... LOL, though he does seem to have a very good way of dealing with Kagome, and that seems to be what she needs at the moment. Awesome chapter, as usual. Stupid formatting issues, I know your pain. Very nice, I'm so enjoying your angsy goodness, and I really look forward to more. Your writing style is compelling to read and getting better all the time (I say that every time, don't I? Too bad! It's true!) I'm intrigued with the Sango developments and can't wait to see where you go with that. Seems very foreboding, and that is just a delightful thing! Ok, now that you've jerked me away from work (LoL, Like I'm complaining!) Just want to reiterate how much I'm enjoying your fic! Update when you can! I'll be waiting! Sueric**

Eh, Hiroshi is harmless. I swear. I've got a leash on him. It's InuYasha I'm worried about…


	15. Purity

**Purity**

InuYasha glanced at Kagome. She was sitting quietly, surrounded by her faint, pink glow. In the past few days, every time they had stopped for the night or even to rest, Kagome had taken that pose. It made for a lonely existence, and while InuYasha at one time had been used to it, after years spending his days among friends the constant quiet was getting on his nerves.

The truth was that InuYasha wasn't sure why Kagome was meditating in the first place. She said something about calming her down, showing reverence for the dead, training even, but InuYasha couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to avoid him. They hadn't really spoken since they had set out on this journey, and the silence was eating at him. InuYasha was pretty sure that her meditation was just another way for her to avoid him. _Except for that one time…_ That time when it had felt like they were really them again, and nothing had ever changed.

The thing that really worried him, though, was Kagome's constant light. _It shouldn't be growing brighter,_ he thought anxiously. He checked the water to see if it was boiling. After some inner debate, he had decided that Kagome probably wouldn't care if he went into her bag for some ramen. He was cooking it for both of them, since Kagome would only break her meditation to eat and sleep.

Of course, what he hadn't expected to see in her bag was the purified shikon no tama. He had never really wondered where it had gone, but it never occurred to him that Kagome might still carry it around. He had dropped it back into her bag guiltily, as if he had found something incredibly personal.

InuYasha poured the steaming water into the ramen cups and brought one over to Kagome. He carefully skirted her aura, and set the cup next to her. She stirred a little, and slowly opened her eyes. She reached to take the cup from his hand, but InuYasha jerked back from her, spilling the boiling hot ramen on his hand.

"You'll purify me," he growled, shaking his hand off and cursing.

Kagome mumbled an apology under her breath, and was about to dissipate her aura, when an arrow struck it and shattered. Two more followed it, allowing Kagome to see the strange conical shape they were, and that they were poisoned. Kagome shot up and focused her attention on the area where the arrows came from.

"Two… maybe three of them," she mumbled as three more arrows crashed and shattered against her barrier. Meanwhile InuYasha had unsheathed tetsusaiga and was knocking the arrows out of the air.

InuYasha was excited. After three days of barely saying a word to anyone, he finally had a chance to make some contact and get a little action. His whole body was tense with anticipation as the youkai came into view. Two male hornet youkai approached, followed by a much larger female youkai. The banter was about to commence.

"You are in our territory," the female said, "And now-" She made a choked noise and was cut off as both of the male youkai were struck with arrows shot by Kagome. While neither were hit in a fatal area, both were destroyed by the overwhelming force of her purification.

"How dare you," the last hornet began saying, quivering with rage at the disregard Kagome had shown for the ways of the youkai, but in another pink blast of light she, too was gone.

InuYasha stared dumbstruck at the vacant area the hornets had just occupied. Kagome was panting lightly, more from pent up emotion than fatigue. InuYasha turned his head to glance at her, and saw a fierce look of anger in her eyes that he had never seen before. It scared him.

"Kagome?" he asked softly.

He could tell that she was trying to keep control of herself as her chest rose and fell at an elevated pace. "Those… those things. They were… dirty. I… had to. I couldn't… I just had to."

She walked away without another word, and went back into her meditation pose. InuYasha knelt down next to her, her words spinning in his mind.

"Is that what you've always thought of me, Kagome? Dirty?"

Kagome took a sharp breath, but didn't say anything. InuYasha jumped into a tree and turned his back to her, focusing his attention on the threat of more hornets. They had said that InuYasha and Kagome were in their territory, he could only hope that more would come for him to test his claws on.

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Kagome glanced around furtively. InuYasha wasn't to be seen.

Something was bothering her. When she had shot those hornets, she had felt something, something strange. Now she dug around her pack, searching for something. Her hand closed around the jewel.

She pulled it out and choked down a gasp. It was slight and difficult to see, but she could sense it. The jewel was getting pinker. The jewel was not purified.

_What does this mean?_ She thought, horrified. _ I remember purifying it. I remember how it felt. It was dormant, empty. How…? _

She heard a noise and quickly stuffed the jewel back into her pack. InuYasha turned to give her a dark stare, but didn't say anything. Kagome sighed with relief that he didn't notice anything was amiss, and readied herself for sleep.

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Sango knelt down in front of the grave and began to pray. _What can I do, Kirara? How can I atone for this?_ She closed her eyes and tried to order her thoughts.

_Once I lost everything that I had. My past in the form of my parents, my present in the form of my brother, and my future in the form of my village. I spent so long going after the man that did it to us, and in the end it was worthless. My brother died, just the same without the jewel shard to sustain him. My parents were still dead, and my village was still empty. The only promise was that never again would that man hurt another person the way he hurt me. My nerves cooled, my duty was finished, and I could start a new life._

_This is different. These youkai weren't just terrorizing for the fun of it. They went after me. I can't go after revenge when that's what brought them here. But I can't forget my friends, my family. Before, I had hoped to recreate the demon-slaying village in respect for my family. But now… my abilities are what caused this to occur. But I was a slayer out of protection for someone, and that was the purpose of learning my art. What should I have done? What could I have done?_

Sango considered this question for a very long time. Her limbs became stiff and the sun sank in the sky, but she refused to move. Miroku watched her from a little distance off. Finally she came to a conclusion: there is no way now to know what would have been best then. She must only think of her next move.

She slowly moved her stiff muscles and stood up, blinking away her weariness. Somehow she just knew that the next decision would be harder than the first.

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_AN: I must apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I have been traveling the globe! Recently I have been in Costa Rica, Colorado, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, and Mexico. whew_

_I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	16. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

Sango woke up slowly, but kept her eyes closed. _It was… a really good dream._ She couldn't remember exactly what had happened, but burned into her mind was an image of a beautiful woman. She was shorter than average with tan skin and clothing, and a large fur pelt draped over her shoulders. Her light brown hair hung to the middle of her back and was streaked with black. The black zigzag markings on her face and her orange eyes marked her as youkai. Sango would have recognized her anywhere.

_Kirara._

She threw herself off of her futon and poked her head outside. Others in the village were already awake and going about their work in the gloomy, overcast day. Sango could see that a few more huts were close to completion. She looked around the village thoughtfully as words came to her mind. "_So that they'll never have to rebuild again…"_

She knew what it meant, or at least, she knew what she was going to make of it. _I will teach them. And then… I will take on my new life._ She smiled as she thought of her plans. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, no, what she _had_ to do.

Moving back into the hut she quickly gathered her few possessions, her sleeping mat, Hiraikotsu, and the small pack of personal objects that she had kept since their journeys, and she left the hut. As she walked out the door, the giant bone of Hiraikotsu slammed into Miroku's head where he was sleeping outside Sango's door.

"Houshi-sama!" Sango gasped. Miroku moaned and stood up, gripping his head.

"Good morning. I thought we agreed my name was Miroku," he yawned, rubbing his head. He raised an eyebrow at her pack. ". Going somewhere?"

Sango quickly recovered, and blushed slightly. "I, uh, decided to move into Kaede-sama's hut."

Miroku didn't lower his eyebrow at that statement, but decided not to comment. "Well, I'll help you move. Is there anything I can help carry?" he asked, moving his hands to take her small pack. Sango let Hiraikotsu off of her shoulder and held it out to him. With a slight groan of effort, Miroku shouldered the weapon.

They walked down the path in silence for a few seconds before Sango said, "How long were you asleep out there?"

Miroku's cheeks flushed slightly, though he kept his stare straight ahead. "Kaede's hut… there hasn't been anyone living in it, so it hasn't been fixed yet, has it? I'll have to repair the roof so that you can sleep there tonight."

Sango stopped walking and planted herself in front of Miroku. "You were there… all night, weren't you?" It was more of a statement than a question. "But… why?"

Miroku shrugged and brought his violet eyes to stare directly into Sango's. "Somebody has to watch out for you."

Sango found herself barely breathing and completely incapable of breaking his eye contact. Memories of a night spent in Miroku's arms flooded her senses. Now she knew that he had been near her every night, every moment.

"Pervert," she whispered. He blinked and looked away. Sango could feel the hot color in her cheeks, brought on by something very different than embarrassment. She felt slightly dazed as she walked on in silence next to Miroku.

It started raining when they reached the hut, large drops that would have soaked them instantly if there hadn't been a small corner of the hut that still had its roof intact. Sango laid her things down and looked out at the rain. It was beautiful, the way it washed everything away. The drumming of the droplets on the leaves was soothing to her. She let herself be lost in the deluge as the water washed away the ash and charcoal. She only turned when she heard a soft voice behind her.

"Sango," Miroku said slowly, and Sango once again found herself lost in the depths of Miroku's eyes. "You started calling me houshi' again."

Sango bit her lip, knowing the implications of his statement. "I… I don't think that I can have children, Houshi-sama. Not after this."

"I'm not asking you to bear my children, Sango," Miroku said, taking a step closer to her, daring a small smile, "I'm asking you to marry me."

"But… Miroku…"

Upon hearing his name, Miroku took another step closer, grabbing both of Sango's hands and clasping them to his chest. "Marry me. That's it."

Sango took a deep breath and nodded.

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InuYasha sniffed the air tentatively. They were close. And by the set look on Kagome's face, he could tell that she knew as well. He paused on the very edge of the taka territory, annoyance settling on his face.

"Kagome."

The girl turned to face him, wary of his expression. "Why are we stopped?"

InuYasha crossed his arms over his chest. "This has gone on long enough. I'm not going in there with you."

Kagome felt the panic start to rise, but pushed it down. "I don't care. I'm going in." InuYasha blocked her path, but Kagome had made up her mind. She wasn't going to be intimidated by him. "I have to go, InuYasha. I have to purify them!"

"Why, Kagome? Why are you doing this?" InuYasha shouted.

Kagome's voice rose as desperation hit. "Because they killed them! They are evil. They are dirty! And I will purify them, all of them. Kuroaki will just be the beginning. I will purify every youkai in the world, if that is what it takes for this to never happen again. They disgust me."

"Kirara was youkai, Kagome! _Shippou_ was youkai! Listen to what you are saying!"

"If there is any good in them, they will survive the purification."

"You _know_ that's not true, Kagome."

Kagome looked as if she was about to say something, but just clenched her fists. InuYasha winced at the sharp smell of her blood in the air as her nails bit into her skin. She pushed him out of the way, and he moved more out of surprise than the force of her shove. "Kagome," he called at her back. She didn't turn around or even acknowledge him. "Kagome!"

InuYasha stood dumbstruck as his echoes reverberated around him. _What… happened? Why is this happening? What happened to us? Kagome…_ _I can't lose you again… Kagome… explain this to me._

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_AN: I update when I can. This could be a few days, weeks or months. If you can't wait for an update, then you should just give up on the fic, because I am a slow writer._

_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	17. Out of the Darkness

**Out of the Darkness**

Kagome could feel the youki emanating from the youkai in the forest without being able to see any. It made her skin crawl. She peered into the distance, but the crowd of trees blocked her from seeing anything. She'd feel entirely alone were it not for the oppressing presence of the taka youkai, and that was enough to drive her forward.

"Kuroaki!" she called into the darkness, "Come out here!"

She was answered by a soft flutter of wings and then silence. She looked up, trying to discern anything among the branches overhead, but all she could see were a few vague outlines of enormous nests.

As she continued walking, clutching her bow, the trees continued to get bigger and bigger. Soon all sunlight was blocked out and Kagome could only continue by looking for the lighter of shadows against the shades and shades of blackness.

As Kagome went deeper, the youki got stronger, and Kagome let her aura surround her, throwing an eerie pink light on the roots that were towering over her and disappearing into even larger trees.

_This place,_ Kagome thought as she touched the rough bark of a nearby root, _is completely untouched by humans._ She ran her hands along the tree, wondering at the complete silence. _It's so beautiful._

"Kuroaki!" she yelled again, anger bracing her, "Kuroaki, stop hiding in this forest! I _will_ find you."

_It's not right_. _It's not right that they should live here, secluded from everything and then just... show up one day. This forest, this silence, this_ beauty_… it's unnatural. I will stop it._

Kagome turned her head back to the path in front of her, and blinked a few times. _There's a light…_ It was faint, just a speck of white in a sea of black, but Kagome knew it was there. She set her jaw, and walked determinedly forward.

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Sango looked at the gathering in front of her in a harsh, calculating gaze. It wasn't the entire town, but she could see that at least one member of each family had shown up, young and old alike.

It was enough.

"I know that many of you already know the basics of scaring off youkai," she began, "But I am going to teach _all_ of you the basics, and if I see anyone with a particular aptitude, I might teach them the art of the taijiya."

As she explained the methods for exterminating minor youkai, she let her gaze wander around her students. All listened to her with rapt attention, though some seemed sharper than others, some just eager to please. Then someone caught her eye. A teenage girl was watching with wide eyes from behind the wall of the hut. Only her head was showing as she peeked around to watch the lesson. When she noticed Sango looking at her, she quickly ducked behind the hut completely.

When she felt that they had learned enough for one day, she stopped the lesson. She turned to find Miroku sitting on a stoop behind her. He let a lazy smile drift across his face as she strode over to him.

"Well, koishii? Any worth training?"

Sango blushed at the use of the pet name, but thought about his question. "Maybe…" she said slowly. The faces of some of her pupils floated across her eyes, a young, steady girl, an old, wizened farmer, a new, careful mother, a rowdy, carefree boy. She could pick out flaws with each of them, reasons why they couldn't or wouldn't suit for the training. She hadn't even completely committed herself to fully training anyone at all, yet. _I know I set out to teach them to defend themselves, but to make them slayers?_ The inner debate had been nagging at her the entire lesson. And then there was that girl… Sango was sure she had seen her before. Of course, she had seen almost the entire village before, but this girl seemed to register in some small part of her mind that wasn't giving her any information.

Miroku widened his smile at the pensive look on Sango's face. He knew that she had found students and bet that he could pick each one out, himself, although he hadn't been paying that much attention. His eyes had been filled with Sango. He had been unable to look at anything else since she agreed to marry him the day before. He would have told the entire world that Sango was his fiancée if he hadn't known that she would want to wait until Kagome and InuYasha were back before telling anyone.

"Well, if the lesson is over, I might as well work on your roof some more," he said, standing up with a slight groan.

"I don't see why you couldn't have worked on it during the lesson," Sango said dryly, poking him in the gut.

"A refresher course never hurt anyone!"

"Neither has a decent day's work."

They started down the path, unaware of the smiles and knowing glances passing between the villagers. Then everyone heard a sound that it felt like they hadn't heard in centuries. It caused old men to smile wistfully and young girls to giggle mercilessly. Miroku simply put his hand to the stinging red spot on his cheek, the happy smile still on his face as they continued down the path.

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Kagome walked into the clearing, awe marking her face. In the center was the largest tree she had ever seen, and its branches were filled with enormous nests. There were taka youkai all around, flying, walking, some small, some large, some in bird form, others looking like humans, and many in between. Almost all of them had dark features, and the ground was littered with feathers, giving it a soft dark glow. Edging one side of the clearing was a clear river, and past it Kagome could make out a few ponds, presumably kept for fishing purposes.

The strange thing was that none of the youkai was showing to be particularly hostile. A few looked at Kagome with obvious interest, but most ignored her presence. This annoyed Kagome further. Child-killing monsters should live up to the reputation they made and show their true colors. This façade of relaxed peacefulness was unsettling and made Kagome anxious. The fact that she kept slipping on the slick feathers on the ground just added to her ire.

Summoning all of her strength, she braced herself and called out, "I am looking for the taka youkai called Kuroaki. I will not leave until somebody brings him to me."

The takas paused and looked around, nervously silent as they all focused their attention on this small human girl. Finally an older human-looking taka spoke.

"So you are looking for Kuroaki?"

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	18. Blur

**Blur**

"So you're looking for Kuroaki?"

Kagome narrowed her eyes. "He destroyed a village. Burned it to the ground. He murdered the people there. I _will_ see him."

"Those are some pretty strong accusations," said the darkest taka Kagome had seen so far, striding into the small gathering of youkai around her. He looked her up and down. "You are not the woman I expected to see," he said simply, with a small smirk on his face.

Kagome quickly drew an arrow brought her bow up. She aimed the arrow straight at his heart.

"I see that you bear the same grudge, however. I suppose that kit was like a son to you, wasn't he?"

Kagome's eyes flashed in anger. "You are a murderer, Kuroaki," she whispered. There was murmuring from the youkai around her. She let her eyes rove around them, noting that their number had grown.

Kuroaki lifted a feathery eyebrow. "A murderer? _I_ did not kill your friends. I would have thought that the other woman would have told you that."

"What do you mean?" Kagome asked, bowstring still pulled taut.

"I simply gave the order. The one who actually killed them was Torio."

Kagome eyed the youkai again. Was he telling the truth? Would she know if he were? As if in response to her wonderings a huge hawk landed in front of her and clicked his beak. The other taka instinctively backed away from him. He stretched out his massive wings and beat them as if to show off his strength. Kagome ran her eyes along his muddy brown feathers, his flexing talons, his snapping beak. Hate ran through her mind. She slowly lowered her bow, giving her arm a rest as she studied this new adversary.

"Does he scare you, human?"

Kagome glared at Kuroaki. "Your kind will never frighten me. The pure need not fear the tainted."

Kuroaki shrugged and ran his hand through his feathery hair. He narrowed his eyes, growing a far off look before glancing back at Kagome. "If you want your revenge, woman, you will have to do it by our terms. You will not kill anyone on this land."

"Why should I listen to you?"

"Because you are surrounded by over a hundred taka. Do you honestly think you could survive them all?"

Kagome simply raised her chin and stared at him unblinkingly.

Kuroaki continued. "My people will not see our land violated. If you are going to go through with this, you must go to the graveyard. Torio will face you off there." Kagome looked at him doubtfully. Why should the taka even leave this area and follow her to the graveyard? Kuroaki seemed to read her thoughts. "He will go because he knows it is your right to get revenge. That is, if you can."

Kagome looked around, seeing that this was all accepted as routine by the other taka. "Where is the graveyard?" she asked.

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The graveyard was barren. The ground was hardened soil, littered with bones. The word graveyard was a misnomer, however, as there weren't actually any graves. The horrifying realization of a taka's death came over Kagome slowly. _They come here to die, and they die alone._ She looked up at Torio. Kuroaki's parting words came back to her. _We won't know the results of the fight. Neither of you will be coming back in any event.'_ The hawks that came here, they never went back. They couldn't bring back the death that lingered here. They couldn't, as Kuroaki put it, "violate" their land.

The hypocrisy had Kagome seething. They lived in a place that they kept free of death, but they had no qualms killing others? _It is sick. Death doesn't violate this land, their presence does._

The hawk settled down in front of her, and clicked his beak. Was it honor that brought him here or bloodlust? There was nobody else around. The takas' feelings on death were obvious to Kagome now. This battle would only be seen by them. Even if Kagome died, the hawk could never return to his homeland. Why would he still come, even knowing that? Could the beast even feel remorse?

She drew an arrow, strengthened her aura, and brought her bow up to face the taka. It jumped up into the air, and prepared for a dive. Kagome pulled the bowstring taut, and waited until just the right moment… Suddenly the taka's image twisted in her mind and instead of seeing a hawk descending on her it was InuYasha facing her off. Her bowstring snapped as she tried to blink the image away, and then all she could see were talons.

A red streak barreled into her from the side as the talons closed in around nothing. The wind was knocked out of her and she rolled off to the side, landing on top of InuYasha. She stared at him with wild eyes before he gently shoved her off of him. She stumbled to her feet, dropping the useless bow.

InuYasha faced the taka, ready to strike with his claws, but the taka ignored him and seemed to be waiting for Kagome to get ready to strike again. InuYasha stepped in front of her, and the taka hesitated.

"He won't fight you," Kagome said, "He's only here to fight me, so I can take my revenge." She stepped out in front of InuYasha. The taka flexed its talons once more, ready for her.

"But I won't fight him." Tears gathered in Kagome's eyes. "I can't. I thought that I knew… what I was doing. But I didn't."

The taka seemed to understand. He looked around, beat his wings, and took off. With a final screech he was gone.

A tear trailed down Kagome's cheek. _He can never go home because of me…Baka no Kagome, feeling remorse for a child-killer… _ She turned to look at InuYasha and embraced him with such force that he stumbled. As he caught his balance Kagome buried her face into his chest, gripping his haori.

"You were right," she murmured, "You were completely right."

InuYasha wrapped his arms around her and held her there. Then he picked her up and carried her out of the forest of the takas.

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_AN: You are getting this chapter because some mischievous women told me that it was more important than hw… maybe I can turn this in instead of my English essay._

_Torio: Bird's Tail_

_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha_


	19. Second Chances

**Second Chances**

Sango rubbed her back and muttered to herself as she walked down the path to her hut, lugging Hiraikotsu. Two of her students had actually managed to get a hit on her, one of which was developing a vicious bruise down her back. "Stupid, stupid, stupid. I really am out of practice."

"Out of practice with what?" Miroku asked, putting his hand on her back and letting it slide down. Sango gasped and slapped him before his hand could even reach its desired destination. Miroku looked at her in puzzlement as she took a deep breath and muttered some more under breath. The only words he was able to pick out were "insufferable men."

"Sango, darling?"

"Bruises, Miroku, bruises!" she growled at him.

"Bruises? Let me look at them," he said, reaching for her kimono. Sango slapped his hand away. "Come on, Sango, don't be shy. I'll be entirely professional, I swear!"

Sango snorted and shied away as Miroku reached for her kimono again. "A professional what?" she asked him, keeping just out of reach.

Miroku paused at this and rubbed his chin. "Well, I'm still a monk until we make things official."

Sango raised an eyebrow. She was planning a reply when movement inside her hut caught her eye. She shrugged Hiraikotsu off of her shoulder but paused when she realized the trespasser was human.

"Who's there?" she called out. A slight girl came out of the hut with surprise on her face. Sango noted that she had been lurking around the lessons and was just about to call her on it when the girl bolted.

Miroku had a very serious expression on his face as Sango turned to ask him, "Who was she?"

"Her name is Chiyo," he answered, "She is an orphan."

"Recently?"

Miroku nodded. "We should see if anything is missing."

After a perusal of the hut the only thing that appeared to be missing was a little food.

"Who is she staying with?" Sango asked Miroku, cleaning up some rice the girl had knocked over in her urgency to leave.

"I'm not really sure at the moment. She seems to drift between families. Most people can't afford to feed another mouth right now."

Sango nodded absently. "Come on, I'll make us some dinner."

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Kagome poked at her noodles, and set the cup down. She leaned against InuYasha. He had not let go of her for more than a couple minutes since they left the graveyard. She had thought of resisting, but now all she wanted was the comfort he was providing. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts pour out.

"I was… wrong. Everything I was doing was wrong, and I knew it. I just… I didn't care. I didn't want to care anymore. At first I just wanted to do something, so that I could just be _doing_ something. But it wasn't helping. And I thought, if I could just disappear into my aura, I could be nothing. But I couldn't just disappear, because it just doesn't work that way. And I was so angry that this one thing couldn't help me… it doesn't even make any sense. I wanted to use it, and I wanted to purify them… but it's not even pure, is it? If my thoughts were so impure, how could I purify them?"

InuYasha held her more tightly, but didn't say anything. He had been uncharacteristically quiet since he rescued her.

"I was ready to kill him. It seemed so easy. He didn't look even remotely human, so it should have been so easy. But standing there in the graveyard, knowing that he understood everything, it didn't matter if he had killed them, I just couldn't. And I saw you there, in his place…"

The tears started flowing again as Kagome saw the images again in her mind. She couldn't shake it, the feeling that she had almost killed InuYasha somehow. Being held in his arms was more comfort to her than he could ever know, and she subconsciously pressed herself closer to him and dropped her head back against his chest. When she opened her eyes, InuYasha was staring straight into hers, his expression completely unreadable. Kagome felt herself stop breathing, though she could still feel the slow rises and falls of InuYasha's chest as he inhaled deeply.

Slowly, painfully slowly, InuYasha leaned his head toward Kagome, barely breathing, until their lips were brushing each other. Kagome felt a slow burn build up in her that burst into a full out flame, the same flames that had ravaged her body time and time again. As he deepened the kiss, fear engulfed her, the fear of losing herself again, crashing into an overwhelming need to just feel him under fingers, to touch his body and know that he was there. The battle inside of her escalated as InuYasha ran his hands along her and set her on the ground, poising himself over her, his body pressed against her.

"Kagome," he said, quietly, deeply. All of her fear vanished as he said her name, and she smiled at him, drinking in everything that was InuYasha.

He reached out and touched her face, trailing his claws along her jaw and across her lips. He leaned in to kiss her again, and she closed her eyes, anticipating him. She opened her eyes when realized that he had stopped. InuYasha was still gazing down on her, a strange expression winding across his face. After a moment of eternity, he pulled away from her and looked away.

Kagome stared at him, feeling all the old fears slam back into her body. She stood up, visibly trembling. She felt like she was drowning in his blatant rejection. InuYasha turned to look at her, a mournful look in his eyes, and tried to say something, but Kagome cut him off.

"I know you, InuYasha. I _know_ you, and you know me. But… you don't want me."

InuYasha flinched at the hurt in her voice, in her stance, in her body. He wanted to say something, but no words would come. He couldn't explain his hesitation to her, not yet, and he couldn't make it better.

Kagome turned away from him, not knowing what to say. When she felt InuYasha's arms around her, she didn't pull away.

They stood together in silence as the stars faded away into oblivion.

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_Chiyo: thousand years; eternal_

_AN: Man do I hate comma splices. mutters _

_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	20. Come Together

**Come Together**

InuYasha pounded a tree with his fist, rendering it into splinters. _Baka, baka,_ baka_! You could have ruined everything. She almost died out there with that damn taka, and it would have been entirely your fault._ He shook his head in his utter annoyance with himself and the fact that he couldn't even admit to the real problem. Letting Kagome get mixed up with the taka wasn't the only thing he had messed up. Every time he blinked Kagome's words rang in his head. _I know you, InuYasha. I know you, and you know me. But… you don't want me.'_ It was being drummed into him over and over by his own traitorous mind, and the mantra was bound to eat at him until nothing remained.

But it wasn't true. He knew it wasn't true. Every bone in his body was tuned to her, everything he ever wanted existed in her. _But how can I tell her that I… _he didn't finish the thought. _It will break her heart. _He closed his eyes. _I can't let her believe that I don't want her. I need to do something… something drastic._

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Kagome eyed the huts around her warily. Most of them were repaired to a state where they were better than they had been before the attack. There was activity everywhere, and everyone was helping out his or her neighbor in a unity that could only grow from adversity. It would have been easy to forget what had passed if it hadn't been for the strained smiles on tired faces and the large graveyard looming over it all, containing the lost innocence of a town Kagome had come to love. Now she knelt in front of Shippou's grave and set something down with a small prayer of forgiveness, before furtively moving away.

The feather seemed to absorb all sunlight as it marked the child's grave.

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InuYasha followed Kagome, watching for a moment he could catch her alone. Something about the way she walked… she didn't seem happy, exactly, but she also didn't seem so extremely _sad_. Her movements were freer. It was as if all this time she had been oppressed by… _something_ and now it was gone. _But how long?_ InuYasha wondered, _How long has she looked like that?_ He clenched his jaw. _A long time, it's been a long time._

Kagome's footsteps took her to Sango's hut. InuYasha cursed as the stepped through the door. _Those girls could talk for hours…_ Unwilling to sit patiently while Kagome and Sango caught up with each other, InuYasha returned to the forest and started his anxious pacing once again.

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"Really!" Kagome shrieked happily.

Sango nodded, a pleased smile flowing over her face.

"I'll… I'll have to buy you a dress!" she squealed, "But… Miroku? He asked?"

Sango nodded again, growing happier and more confident by her friend's display of emotion. It seemed so long since Kagome had been so excited. She set down a pot of water over the wood stove before turning to admire Kagome's reaction a little more. She couldn't help but feel proud that she had somehow caused this change in her friend's demeanor.

"But… Miroku?" Kagome asked, incredulity ringing in her voice.

"Yes!" Sango said with a laugh, and the two girls sunk into a fit of giggles. Sango clutched her side as she struggled for breath while Kagome rolled around on the floor, holding her stomach as the laughs just rolled out of her.

Regaining her composure, Sango gulped down deep breaths and rummaged around, searching for a bowl of dried rice she had set out earlier. _I know I put it here… but where could it have gone?_

"What's wrong Sango?" Kagome asked, still gasping for breath.

A deep frown settled on Sango's face as she produced an empty bowl. Kagome looked at her face and then at the bowl and remarked slowly, "Is there something wrong with the bowl?"

Sango shook her head and set it down. _That's the fourth time this week…It's that girl… Chiyo._ "It's nothing," she said, still frowning slightly.

Kagome nodded, still wearing a bright smile on her face.

"Sango, I'll go buy you a new dress!" Kagome restated, growing excited about the idea, "Something from my time. For the ceremony."

Sango blinked quickly and brought her focus back to Kagome. "A dress?"

"You don't want me to?"

"Well, I was thinking of making my own… with help, of course."

Kagome nodded and smiled. "I'll get my sewing kit from home, then. It will be beautiful."

"I really only wanted something simple."

Kagome wasn't listening. Sango could tell she was already dreaming up dresses for Sango. She started to object, but suddenly changed her mind. If she could make Kagome happy, by just letting her do this, then it was worth whatever Kagome planned. Sango smiled to herself as Kagome designed Sango's perfect wedding.

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Miroku strolled into Sango's hut and was delighted to see the object of his affection bending down in right front of the doorway, within perfect reach of his wandering hand.

_It's too perfect,_ he thought giddily, his hand reaching out to stroke the bottom. As a strangled squeal rose out of his unsuspecting victim, something seemed to be amiss. _Funny, she feels different today…_

All thoughts were bashed out of his mind as Sango brought Hiraikotsu down on his head from her vantage point behind him. Slightly jarred and with stars appearing before his eyes, Miroku slowly turned around to face his fuming fiancée.

"Sango, dearest," he said, cringing as Sango's eyes narrowed, "I thought… but you… who is?" He pointed behind him to a very startled girl.

"You remember Chiyo, don't you Miroku?" Sango asked with too much pleasantness and a vicious glare in her eyes. "I've decided to take her into my home."

Miroku stared at Sango in disbelief. _Why in hell would she do something like that?_ "Any specific reason why?"

"Oh, just an agreement that I made with Chiyo," Sango said nonchalantly, "She will have to pay me for the food she stole, and I'm letting her pay me in trade."

Chiyo ducked her head and by her stance seemed to be trying to appear as small and insignificant as possible. Miroku was still having trouble understanding Sango's action. _She's not one to normally hold grudges, especially with such a pathetic creature like this one…_

Miroku studied the girl, and unlike most girls faced with intense scrutiny, she held her gaze on the floor and seemed not to notice. Her long dark hair was tied in the customary knot falling to her middle back. Her wide set eyes were so dark as to be completely black. Her nose was straight but flat, and led to full, dark lips. Her frame was so small that Miroku wondered if she had eaten a decent meal in weeks.

Miroku brought his eyes to meet Sango's again, though this time with understanding. Sango did this because Chiyo needed her to.

Sango turned her head and looked outside. "It's time for the lessons. Chiyo, you will accompany me and help today."

Chiyo nodded obediently and followed Sango out the door. Miroku shook his head. _Sango, do you even know what you are getting yourself into?_

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	21. Jolt

**Jolt**

Sango gave a frustrated sigh and leaned her head against the doorframe. Another villager had just come to her with his complaints over Chiyo. Sango was giving the girl perfectly good meals which Chiyo would barely pick at, and then she would turn around and go steal food from people in town.

"Chiyo!" Sango called out. The girl appeared in front of her. Sango tried not to show surprise at the girl's ability to show up suddenly and silently. "Chiyo," she said sternly, "You've stolen again. I paid for it, and it means that you will have to stay here even longer."

Chiyo nodded without expressing any emotion. No matter what Sango said to her she never saw a change in her glazed over eyes. _Am I getting through to you, Chiyo?_

"Here," she said, handing her a bucket, "Go get me some water."

Chiyo obediently left as Miroku walked in.

"How goes it?" he asked, noting Sango's weary eyes.

"She's still stealing."

Miroku nodded. "Give it time. She's not used to having a stable home. She probably thinks that you might kick her out at any minute."

Sango nodded and rubbed her face with her hands. "I have to get ready for training."

Miroku looked surprised. "You're training Chiyo?"

"What?" Sango asked, "Oh, no. I meant the normal training. You know, the one you never help me with."

"Is that a hint?"

"Oh, no, Miroku. I wouldn't want you to face the shame of watching your students get beaten by mine."

"I take that as a challenge, Sango-sensei," Miroku said, grabbing his staff.

Sango just smiled and slung Hiraikotsu over her shoulder.

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Walking into her house, Kagome made a beeline for the stairs. All she wanted was a good shower. She turned the knob, relaxing as the hot water hit her body. _Sango and Miroku, getting married…_ She sighed as she tried to ignore her own disappointment. _Face it, Kagome. It's not meant to be. He couldn't make it work with Kikyou, he can't make it work with you._ She poured shampoo into her hand and started viciously washing her hair, vowing not to think about the hanyou. _I'm supposed to just be happy for Sango._ She winced as she thought of the performance she had put on for Sango earlier. She hoped that Sango hadn't noticed how forced some of her happiness had been. _But I am happy for them. They deserve happiness together._

Kagome flopped down on her bed with a soft sigh and a small yawn. _I just want to sleep…_ Beds are so much more comfortable in my time, she thought happily, but knew that she didn't have time for a nap. Sleep was not on the agenda. She had to buy some fabric for Sango. _And I want… I want to… talk to my mother._ She sat up quickly. Where had that idea come from? She threw herself out of her bed and pounded down the stairs, looking for anyone from her household. _Nobody home…_

She sat down at the kitchen table, wondering what to do now. She had no transportation, though she supposed she could always walk, but more importantly the desire to see her mother could not be fulfilled. She sighed and stared around the room for a bit, when she heard a car drive up and stop. She didn't move right away, telling herself that anyone could just be parking in front of the shrine, what with the limited parking in the area, but when she heard footsteps approaching the house, she jumped up and threw open the door.

"Mama?" she called hopefully. A brilliant blush flew over her cheeks as she saw instead that it was Hiroshi walking toward her. He smiled and waved, seeming not to have heard her mistake, but Kagome was pretty sure there was no way he could have missed it.

"How did you know I was home?" Kagome asked, not completely recovered from her blunder.

"I didn't," Hiroshi said, grinning. "I got a job here."

"A job?" Kagome squeaked.

"Your mom got so tired of me coming over just to see if you were back yet just to have to tell me, no' that she got your grandfather to give me a job. That way I would know when you were back." He glanced at his watch. "But… it seems today the shrine isn't opening. He left me a note. So… since I've got a couple spare hours, do you have any plans?"

Kagome could barely answer him she was so surprised. "Well, I uh… I need to go shopping." She blurted out. "For fabric. For a dress. For my friend. She's getting married!"

Hiroshi nodded, stuck out his elbow for her to slip her arm through, and took her to his car. Once he had started the engine, he asked her, "So what kind of wedding is this? Really fancy or just a simple one?"

"Oh, it's just simple. There won't be many people there… not like most weddings these days."

Hiroshi nodded and said, "I know this place, it specializes in traditional kimono."

"That sounds… perfect," Kagome said. She peered at Hiroshi from the corner of her eye. _Why does he always know what I need?_

Hiroshi pulled over at an old looking shop, and Kagome noted that they were in the same part of town as that little teashop.

"Do you live around here?" Kagome asked.

"I used to. I know most of the people who own these shops, anyway." Hiroshi shrugged, and then gave her a sly grin, "I can probably get you a good deal on whatever you buy."

"Oh, there's no need," Kagome said quickly.

"It's no problem. I was always taught to do for others whatever you can. You wouldn't let me shame my mother now, would you?"

Kagome smiled a little before shaking her head. She still had the intense desire to ditch Hiroshi and find her own mother, but she knew that she couldn't do that now. "She sounds like a great woman, your mother."

"Oh, she is," Hiroshi said with a wink, and held open the door to the shop.

Kagome entered the store, and at first marveled the style of the front room. It reminded her of the old houses of the rich people back across the well. Out of habit, she slipped off her shoes and wandered around, admiring the patterns and styles of kimono. She passed her fingers over the smooth fabrics, wondering which one would suit Sango best.

The shop-owner walked over to her, holding an exquisite dress. "I believe that this would suit well, miss." As Kagome looked over the fabric he held, she didn't even bother to wonder how he had known what she was looking for. The fabric for the kimono was white with light purple flowers weaving along the hemline. The obi was the same color as the pink in Sango's slaying outfit.

"It's perfect," Kagome whispered. It was simple enough to suit Sango's tastes, but at the same time she knew that it would more beautiful on her than any other more elaborate dress.

The shopkeeper smiled and beckoned her to wait while he brought out another swatch of fabric. Kagome hadn't been planning on making a dress for herself, but when she saw the gorgeous fabric, she couldn't refuse.

When Kagome went to pay, she found herself blushing as the shopkeeper gave her a huge discount. "For you dear, anything," he said with a wink. Kagome looked over at Hiroshi, but he just gave her a smile and shrugged. Kagome could swear she hadn't seen him talk to the other man.

"Well, as long as we have time, do you want to get some tea again?"

Kagome nodded, feeling as if this was all some surreal experience and that very soon she would wake up.

The feeling didn't stop when they reached the teashop. In fact, it only seemed to increase. As she looked around the room, she realized the oddness of the place did not lie in her sight. It was more of a feeling, something that was out of place with this time. She started to concentrate on her aura and the auras of those around her. She could feel it, something that wasn't quite right. She gasped when she realized what had been fazing her. The room was filled with suppressed youki energy.

"Youkai," she whispered. The room was full of youkai. Hiroshi blinked and stared at her, a smile touching the edge of his lips.

"Makes you feel at home, doesn't it?"

She stared wide-eyed at him, wondering just how much he knew about her, when something caught her eye outside.

"Mama?" she whispered. She looked at Hiroshi and said, "I… I have to go. My mother is here, I need to talk to her, I'll… I'll see you later, Hiroshi."

Kagome rushed out of the teashop, forgetting the fabric that she had just bought for Sango and running across the busy street.

"Mama!" she called out, and her mother turned around to be forcefully hugged by her estranged daughter. She laughed and wrapped her arms around her.

"What is it, Kagome?" She asked, unable to keep the happiness out of her voice. Kagome didn't respond, she just hugged her harder.

When at last Kagome let her go, she simply smiled at her mother. "Can we go home, mama?" The woman nodded and put her arm around Kagome. "So much has happened…" Her mother squeezed her shoulder.

"Will you tell me about it, Kagome?" she asked tentatively.

Kagome bit her lip, and nodded. She knew she would feel so much better just to let it out. She didn't have to bear it all herself. She could feel the tears start to rise, but they weren't the tears of misery that had plagued her before. Feeling her mother's arm around her, she suddenly felt that maybe things would start to get better.

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_AN: My muses are unhappy. Although that might just have to do with some sort of urn… I must figure out how to appease them._

_AN: Happy belated Mother's day! I'm sure you can see the influence in here…_

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	22. Effort

**Effort**

Kagome was slow to wake up. She had spent most of the night talking with her mother. She had told her almost everything, starting with Naraku's destruction. She had left out some of the more personal details, especially when it came to InuYasha. Somehow she knew that her mother knew what she was omitting, anyway. When she had told her about Shippou, Kaede and Kirara, her mother had cried with her.

"_Why would you try to go through that alone, Kagome?"_

_Kagome shook her head, unable to answer._

"_Never forget that I'm here for you, Kagome. Never think you are too old for me."_

_Kagome swallowed hard._

When she had told her mother about InuYasha, she grew pensive.

"_I wouldn't make any conclusions about InuYasha, Kagome. I've seen the way he looks at you."_

She had waved off any evidence Kagome had given her against him, stubbornly telling her to be patient.

The one thing Kagome hadn't told her mother was about the jewel. She pulled it out now, and held it high over her head from her prostrate position on the bed. She let it hit the sunlight, and wondered why it never reflected any back. It had always held its own light, not needing the sunshine to gleam. Now, even though its light had been extinguished, it still would simply absorb the sunlight, not giving any back.

How long had she been carrying it around for? She stared at the pinkish orb, trying to bore her mind into it. Such a small thing, once so powerful, and now…

_Now it's useless. But…_

She rolled the jewel in between her hands, wondering how it had regained some of its pinkish color. And then there was the darker secret. The one she had never told anyone, not even InuYasha. _I can't go through the well without it. _

Nobody had ever thought to ask just how, after purifying it, she had managed to keep traveling through time. Nobody had ever asked her how she had purified it. They simply knew that it had been done, and then they went on their way. Kagome had been grateful for it. She hadn't wanted anyone to know what it had meant to her to see it fade away, to know that she was destroying the thing that had brought her there, that had brought her to InuYasha.

Even if she could've continued going through the well she would have kept it with her. She just couldn't find it in her to throw it away. She didn't think she ever would.

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Sango smiled as her predictions came true. Her students were annihilating Miroku's in all the tests they had set up together. Most of the town had come down to watch, finding it good entertainment to see the teams struggle against each other. Miroku could be seen squirming on the side, cheering his students on, but visibly wincing every time one of them failed.

Sango's enjoyment was halted, however, when she saw Chiyo standing off to the side, hiding herself from the rest of the people. Those who did notice her rarely stopped to say hello, since it was widely acknowledged that she was the town thief and a lost cause. Something that Miroku had said concerned Sango, however.

"_You know, maybe her punishment shouldn't be to work for you longer."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_By doing that, you are saying to her, 'if you steal, I will let you stay here longer and give you food, work, and a place to sleep.'"_

"_What do you think I should do then?"_

"_Give her incentive to stop stealing."_

Sango went over to the girl and drew her away from the contest.

"Chiyo, in about a week you will be done paying off what you have stolen, assuming that you don't steal anything else."

Sango hoped for a response from the girl, but she gave no sign that she had even heard her.

"Chiyo, what will you do after that?" Sango asked sharply.

Chiyo shook her head and mumbled something.

"What was that?"

"I don't know."

Sango picked up a small stone and tossed it at Chiyo, wondering how she would react. Chiyo flinched, but let the stone hit her and bounce off harmlessly.

_Damn it, _Sango thought angrily,_ if she had ducked, or caught it, or batted it away… but she just lets it _hit_ her. _

"You've been very useful to me these past few days, Chiyo. You are a good cook, you do your chores well and without complaint, and you take very good care of my belongings. When you are done paying off your debt, Chiyo, I would like you to stay with me."

"As a servant?" Chiyo asked quietly.

"No… as a student," Sango said, ignoring the fact that Chiyo was the most ill-chosen person to become a slayer.

Chiyo didn't respond.

"Would you like that, Chiyo?"

The girl shook her head. "I'm not any good at anything, Sango-sama. It would be better if I was just a servant."

Sango let out a sigh, _not_ of relief, she told herself, and nodded. "Very good, Chiyo-chan. You will stay in my house and be my servant."

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Kagome looked out of her bedroom window to see Hiroshi approaching her house with a bag in his hand. _The fabric…_ She shoved the jewel into her pocket, hopped off of her bed, ran down the stairs, and, pausing to catch her breath, walked outside.

Hiroshi greeted her with a broad smile and held the bag out to her.

"You forgot this the other day," he said nervously.

She took it slowly. _It's funny, _she thought, _I can barely tell there's anything there at all. Any youki around him._

Hiroshi noticed her scrupulous stare and took off his jacket. Kagome gasped as Hiroshi revealed a simple undershirt bearing a seal.

"This is why you never noticed before," he said with an amused grin. He seemed as confident as ever, but Kagome could sense his anxiety at revealing himself to her.

Kagome nodded and touched the fabric of the shirt. There was something about it, something that seemed odd.

"It feels… familiar."

Hiroshi shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, miko power made it."

Kagome nodded absently, tracing her fingers on the seal. "Can I see you without it?" She blushed, realizing what she was asking. "I mean... just to see your markings. Nobody will see; we're the only ones here, anyway."

Hiroshi nodded and pulled off the shirt, saying, "I generally never wear it at home." He wriggled his head out. "My father always told me to never to forget who I am."

With his youki unbound, Kagome was free to see his black plated arms and chest, his dark fangs, silver eyes, and a long, curved tail with a stinger.

"You're… a scorpion?" she asked, disbelief snaking itself around her neck, making her squeak the words out.

Hiroshi shrugged bashfully, nervously running his hands through his hair.

"But… but… I mean…" Kagome struggled to frame her thoughts, "You don't act like a scorpion."

"Well, I was adopted," Hiroshi explained, "My parents were killed by- InuYasha?"

Kagome blanched at the revelation, unable to believe what she had just heard when she realized that Hiroshi was looking beyond her. She turned around slowly, painfully looking at the hanyou.

InuYasha didn't say anything at first. He just let his eyes travel between Kagome and the half-dressed boy beside her while a slow, seething growl rumbled out of him.

"I knew I should have killed him the first day I saw him."

The quiet words were quickly absorbed in the thick summer air. However, much to Kagome's surprise, InuYasha didn't make a move to strike down Hiroshi. He simply stared at her, making her stomach twist in all kinds of anxiety and hurt. She couldn't place his expression or understand why it made her feel completely naked and unprotected. Without looking at Hiroshi, Kagome thrust out his shirt with one hand while nervously tugging at her hair with another.

"Thanks for bringing my bag back," she said. Hiroshi nodded, catching the hint, and said his goodbyes while hastily putting his shirt back on. InuYasha's eyes followed him as he walked away and out of sight.

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_This is my fault,_ InuYasha thought viciously, _This is all my fault. If I hadn't hesitated, she wouldn't be…_ it was too painful for him to put into words. Still, he knew he couldn't strike the kid. Once he would have, but now, if Hiroshi was what Kagome wanted, InuYasha knew he couldn't touch him.

He had followed Kagome through the well. Once again he had followed her movements, watching as she went to buy fabric with that kid, as she went to drink tea with the twerp. He had been about to bust in there when Kagome had come flying out. For a second, just one second, InuYasha had thought that she had seen him, that she had run out there to see him. He knew he was wrong when she ran across the street. But for an instant he had hoped…

After that he had gone back to her home to hide in the well house. He had still been thinking of something he could do, something that would make her know how much he needed her, how much he…

He hadn't slept much during the night. He'd made a decision, and it scared him. Part of him wanted to rush out to see Kagome, and the other part was terrified of what she would say. Indecision had made a prisoner of him. He had only left when he heard Kagome's voice outside, and then he heard that boy…

Now Kagome was standing alone in front of him, and he was still unsure of himself. He was stunned when she handed him the bag with the fabric in it and said, "Let me go get my stuff."

He nodded and took a deep breath. He breathed in her scent and exhaled it out, slowly gathering his courage, the courage he needed in order to show her, the courage to do what he set his mind to.

When Kagome came back outside with her backpack they both studied their feet before Kagome said, "I'm not with him, you know. I mean, not like that."

InuYasha blinked and brought his eyes up to meet hers. He broke the gaze as suddenly as he started it and cleared his throat.

"Come on, let's go."

Kagome followed him into the well house, and they jumped through together.

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_AN: It's been a while, huh. Well, I had finals, then I went to Asia, and now I'm ready to continue. Huzzah! _

_AN: 9000 hits! Wow! Thanks, everyone!_

_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha._


	23. Anticipation

**Anticipation**

InuYasha pulled Kagome out of the well, letting his hands linger on hers. She didn't look in his eyes, but she didn't pull away either. InuYasha pushed a piece of hair away from her face, trailing his fingers along her pale skin.

"Kagome," he said, letting his hands drop. Kagome turned away.

"Let's go, InuYasha."

She started walking slowly away from him.

"Wait!"

Kagome paused, and after a moment turned to face him. InuYasha hesitated, his breath catching in his lungs. Kagome gave him a small, weak smile and started to turn back. InuYasha knew that he couldn't wait any longer. If he hesitated one more time, he might lose her forever. He swallowed and took a deep breath.

"I love you."

Kagome's head snapped around, her big eyes wide. The simple sentence hung in the air. InuYasha stood frozen, unable to register Kagome's expression. Fear gripped his throat, but he knew he couldn't back down.

"What?" Kagome said at last.

"I love you," he repeated. Kagome's face broke into a big smile.

"What?" she said again.

"You heard me."

"I want to hear it again."

InuYasha scooped Kagome up and said, "Tough."

Kagome giggled, and broke into full laughs. InuYasha, taking this as a good sign, smirked back at her.

"Say it again, InuYasha."

"You'll just have to wait, wench," he said, burying his nose in her hair. Kagome let her head fall back, still smiling widely.

"Won't you please say it again?" she asked, almost purring. InuYasha stubbornly shook his head, his nose tickling her neck.

"Mmmm," she sighed, "I love you, too, InuYasha."

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Kagome walked in Sango's hut, bright as the sunshine. She positively beamed at Sango, and produced fabric from her bag. Sango exclaimed happily over the fabric, and giggled with Kagome.

"Chiyo and I have already sewed the under-kimono."

"Chiyo?"

"She's my new… servant. She's very adept at cooking, and, as it turns out, sewing."

Kagome just smiled brightly at her, and set to work measuring out the fabric. The three girls worked diligently, working on Sango's dress. Sango and Kagome chatted happily, and Chiyo simply listened, though every once in a while Kagome's antics drew a smile from her. Sango wasn't surprised. Kagome could not keep a smile off of her face, and it seemed that it was contagious.

A loud noise nearby startled the girls.

"What is that?" Sango asked.

"Well…" Kagome said, and her smile seemed to grow impossibly brighter, "You've moved into the hut farthest away from the village. InuYasha figured that we might as well have one close by, and there weren't any. So he's building one."

Sango's mouth dropped. "You mean…"

Kagome nodded.

Sango laughed. "I'm so glad! I was so worried about you two… but…"

The two girls dissolved into laughter, while Chiyo looked on, not quite following the conversation.

A large clatter outside made them pause, and Sango snorted. "By the sound of it, he's got Miroku helping him."

Kagome just beamed at her.

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"Well, koishii?"

"Well, my Houshi-sama?"

Miroku groaned at the name but continued. "Are you pleased?"

"With what?"

"Why, your future husband, of course."

"What has he done to please?"

"He built you a roof, he worked very hard, and he even saved your pride by allowing your students to beat his."

Sango snorted.

"Was this not enough, my dear? How shall I-"

Sango silenced him by putting her mouth firmly over his. He brought his arms around her, letting one hand slip lower, lower. Sango did not protest.

She broke away, flushed cheeks brilliant in a smile.

"My dress should be finished in a day or so. And then…"

"And then?"

"Why, my Houshi-sama, we get married."

"Mmm, sounds good."

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_AN: I've been doing lots of editing! There are a lot of new scenes in earlier chapters, you might want to go check them out!_

_AN: whew! It's been about a decade since I updated, eh? Well, I figured I'd beg forgiveness with my first piece of fluff! What do you think? _

_I do not own the rights to InuYasha_


	24. Union

**Union**

Sango settled into the warm water of the hot spring and glanced at her fidgeting friend. Kagome's glowing happiness had finally faded into a simple content. Sango and Miroku were getting married tomorrow, and Kagome had looked tense all day, even more so than Miroku, which Sango found surprising. She had hoped that by enticing her to a bath Kagome would say whatever was bothering her.

"Um, Sango?"

Sango acknowledged the victory and turned to Kagome. "What is it?"

"I uh… wanted to ask you something." Kagome nervously twisted her wet hair. "With Miroku… how do you… how do you stay _you_?"

"Kagome?"

"I mean… how do you distinguish between yourself and Miroku? When I was with InuYasha before… sometimes I couldn't… recognize myself. Like I was only an extension of him, and I just… faded away. I… I don't want to do that again."

Sango frowned. She had known that something hadn't been quite right in their relationship, but this wasn't something that she could relate to at all. "Kagome, Miroku and I are very close, but we're not the same person. I just… know who I am. And while a part of me is a part of Miroku, that part is separate."

Kagome sank down to her nose in the water.

"You need to exist for yourself, Kagome," Sango said softly, "You can't exist for somebody else."

"I know, Sango, I just…" Kagome didn't know what she was trying to say. Instead she focused on relaxing in the hot water.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

Sango considered this. "Not nervous, exactly. A little anxious, I guess." She stared hard into the distance. "I wonder what my father would have thought of him."

Kagome gave her friend a sympathetic look and wondered the same of her own father.

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Kagome sat in front of Shippou's grave, ignoring the cramps in her leg.

_There was a time… when I knew who I was. I remember… but the jewel… it took that away from me. I _never_ existed for myself. I was supposed to purify it and then… it didn't matter what I did._

_But that… that can't be right. Because Kikyou existed for the same reason. And we weren't the same. I got… so mad when people thought I was Kikyou. The jewel… it was only a job to her. Why couldn't it be like that for me?_

_I was born with it. It was always part of me, even when we lost it. And then I destroyed something that was part of me. And I filled it with InuYasha…_

_It's growing pink again. And I feel… more like myself again. Is that the only reason? Or is it pink because I wasn't pure enough? I wish someone was here to help me…_

"Kagome-sama, Sango-sama is dressed now. She wants to see you."

Kagome glanced up at Chiyo and nodded. She pulled her hand out of her pocket where she had been fingering the jewel and stood up, wiping the dirt off of her knees. Forcing herself out of her melancholy mood, she stepped into Sango's home, soon to be Miroku's home, too, and lit up in a bright smile.

"Oh, Sango, you look amazing!"

Sango looked nervous but pleased as she let Kagome inspect her. After checking to make sure that everything was perfect, Kagome went into her bag and grabbed a camera that she had brought for the occasion.

Most of the town had gathered for the feast. Since neither Miroku nor Sango had any family with which to perform the rituals, they figured they would publicly announce their marriage, and Kagome had insisted on making it a party. Since then, Kagome had been hard at work cooking while Sango and Chiyo were sewing, and she and her mother had managed to create enough food to feed at least twenty people. InuYasha had also done his part by hunting some food, and earlier in the day, some people had started a large fire to cook it on. Still others were arriving with even more food, whatever they could spare.

Seeing the people who had gathered, Sango glanced around nervously and muttered to herself, "I'm surprised they came."

Chiyo turned to her and said, "Everybody wants to witness a happy event, Sango-sama."

Sango stared at the girl in surprise that she had heard her, and then looked at the ground. "But I-"

"Sango!" InuYasha cut her off. He scowled at the girls and said, "You probably want to hurry up. I think Miroku's going to have a heart attack."

The girls laughed, and they quickened their pace to the center of the town. Miroku visibly relaxed as Sango walked toward him. He smiled and took her hand, leaning down to whisper something into her ear. Sango rolled her eyes, but she was obviously pleased.

During the feast, Kagome couldn't stop looking over at InuYasha. _Will this be us?_ When InuYasha caught her eye, he smiled smugly. But Kagome could sense tenseness behind his gaze.

_He loves me,_ she thought suddenly, and she was sure the smile she returned was just as smug as his.

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Kagome and InuYasha spied on Sango and Miroku as they returned back to their hut. The two couldn't seem to keep their hands off of each other, and they didn't notice their friends in the least. All of their nervousness had dissipated during the meal, and by the end of it, it didn't seem like they even knew anybody else was there. Kagome let out a little giggle as they disappeared into Sango's hut.

"I don't think we have a place to sleep tonight, InuYasha," said Kagome, "Wouldn't want to disturb their happiness."

InuYasha just grunted.

"I guess we could always go to my house," Kagome said thoughtfully. "Oh, shoot…"

"What is it?"

"I left my bag in the hut."

"So what's the problem? Just go in and get it."

Kagome gave InuYasha a very meaningful look. Slowly his cheeks flushed. "Oh," he mumbled.

"I wonder where Chiyo is sleeping tonight. You know, they really need to add on their home. Especially if they are going to be having kids."

Kagome looked at InuYasha, but he was staring off in the distance.

"What do you need your bag for, anyway?" he asked her.

"Oh, nothing really. It just would have been nice to wash my clothes-"

InuYasha cut her off by scooping her up in his arms and taking off. He leaped up into the branches of Goshinboku and held her tightly there.

"We don't have to go to your home," he whispered in her ear.

Kagome smiled and snuggled against him. It sounded like a much better idea.

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"Beloved," Miroku whispered in Sango's ear. She smiled in the dimly lit room. "Aren't you upset now that you slapped me all those times?"

"Maybe," she responded, resting her cheek on his bare chest and draping her arm across him. "Such wandering hands…"

He brought those hands to massage the skin on her shoulders, while kissing the top of her head. Sango sighed contentedly, and moved her head so that her nose was almost touching Miroku's. She stared into his purple eyes, and he twisted a lock of her hair around his finger.

"Are you satisfied with me, my love?"

Sango shifted to bring her torso poised over his and, placing her hands on either side of his head, looked him directly in the eyes. Miroku gave a groan of approval at this action. She brought her face down so that her lips tickled his ears when she said, "Satisfied, my love? Never."

There was a devious glint in Miroku's eyes. "I was hoping you would say that."

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha_

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	25. Secrets

**Secrets**

InuYasha watched Kagome's face. He could tell that she was dreaming by the twitching in her muscles. From time to time she would mumble something, though InuYasha generally couldn't make out the words.

"Unh… Shippou…"

InuYasha stiffened. He could tell that she wasn't upset, though she was obviously dreaming of the kit. He'd… been having dreams, too. In his dreams, Shippou wasn't dead. He was just as alive as InuYasha, as were Kaede and Kirara. Half of the time when he woke up, he thought that Shippou would still be there, but they were just dreams…

Kagome flickered open her eyes and glanced at InuYasha. She gave a small smile, letting her eyes close once more, and shifted to a more comfortable position. InuYasha flinched as something dug into his leg.

InuYasha grumbled and reached into Kagome's pocket to figure out what was digging into him. Kagome gasped and tried to stop him, but it was too late. InuYasha held up the jewel and stared at it for a second before Kagome snatched it out of his hand and closed her fist around it.

"Why do you carry that around?"

Kagome's cheeks burned a fierce red. "It's… mine. I was born with it inside of me. I just can't… throw it away."

InuYasha grasped Kagome more tightly and jumped out of the tree. He set her on her feet and stared at her balled fist. He was curious about her fierce protectiveness over the jewel, and wanted to ask her why, but the look in her eyes prevented him from saying anything.

Kagome tucked the Shikon no Tama back into her pocket, not allowing InuYasha to see it. But he had seen it in the tree, and he could have sworn that it had been pink. _That can't be right, can it?_ He frowned._ She purified it, and it turned white. I saw it._ But he doubted himself.

"I'm going home to get some more clothes and a shower," she said, turning away from him. She peeked back over her shoulder. "Do you… want to come with?"

"That _kid_ going to be there?" InuYasha snorted, thinking of Hiroshi.

Kagome chewed on her lip. "Probably… he said he got a job at the shrine."

InuYasha nodded darkly, scooped Kagome up, and jumped down the well with her.

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Sango admired Miroku's body for the first time. She knew that he was fit, but there wasn't much shape to him underneath all those robes. Last night they had undressed in the dark, and her admiration had been limited to what she could feel. Not that she had minded…

But this morning she had awoken to him admiring her body. She had nervously pulled a blanket up to her chin, but after a moment realized she was being ridiculous and let it fall. Of course, that wasn't to say she wasn't tense during her husband's visual perusal of her body. It was his hands that caused her to relax, as he ran them up and down her body, thoroughly enjoying himself and the tremors he sent through Sango.

Now Sango watched him as he stretched. The muscles on his chest and thighs captivated her. She remembered running her hands up and down his finely formed torso, and a pleased flush dusted her cheeks.

Miroku, well aware of Sango's persistent gaze on him, continued stretching to give her the full effect of his body, relishing her pleased stare. When he figured she'd feasted her eyes enough, he murmured, "It's not polite to stare."

Sango bit her lip, and focused her eyes on his. He swallowed hard. He leaned in, his mouth tickling her ear. "That is," he said, pausing to nibble on her ear lobe, "unless you plan on _using_ whatever it is your eyes covet."

Sango shivered as Miroku traced his finger along her stomach. In the daylight she could see his very real fascination with her body. It occurred to her that this was as new to him as it was to her, and the last remnants of her nervousness with her new husband vanished.

Sango relaxed into Miroku's touch, and the rest of the world faded away.

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Chiyo looked at her mistress's hut and decided that she wouldn't bother them until she was called for. She strolled back up the steps of the shrine where she had stayed the night and knelt down to pray at the idols. While she was praying, something ran into her leg and tugged on her clothing. She opened her eyes and looked to see a small demon chewing on her clothing.

The youkai whined at her, and she slowly considered what to do. It was obviously young, a baby. It was an odd shade of brown with light blue stripes running across its back. It had a protruding snout, navy blue eyes, and a black, wet nose. She reached down to feel its impossibly soft ears, and it whined softly. She looked around, but it didn't appear that any mother youkai was about to pounce on her for touching its offspring.

"Poor thing," Chiyo whispered, "You've been left behind, too, haven't you?"

It yipped at her, and she scooped up the strange puppy to cradle it. It yawned, exposing a pink tongue and gave her a last whine before slipping off to sleep.

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Kagome peeked outside the well house in order to make sure there weren't any strangers around. The coast was clear, and she led InuYasha to her house. Inside she was only mildly surprised to see Hiroshi sitting at her kitchen table, talking amiably with her mother over lunch.

"Kagome, you're home! Was the wedding wonderful?" Kagome's mother gave her a quick hug before sweeping Hiroshi's plate off of the table and placing it in the sink.

Kagome nodded, wondering how her mother could be so open with Hiroshi there. She looked at the kid who had stood at her arrival and said, "Hiroshi, this is InuYasha. You guys haven't, uh, properly met before."

Hiroshi nodded to InuYasha, who grudgingly returned the nod. Hiroshi looked around awkwardly for anything to say, and settled on the weather. Kagome rolled her eyes, knowing that the weather would probably _never_ get InuYasha to say anything, and left the kid to fend for himself as she held a whispered conversation with her mother.

"Mama, how much does he know? Have you been telling him things?" Kagome anxiously tugged on a piece of her hair.

"Relax, Kagome," her mother said, resting a hand on Kagome's shoulder, "I just told him that you were off to the wedding that he helped you shop for."

"You know he's youkai, right?"

The woman gave Kagome a measured stare. "I saw him that day when he took his shirt off. A scorpion, I think?"

Kagome nodded slightly, wondering how much the two youkai could hear. She knew that InuYasha had good hearing, but with Hiroshi talking his ears off, it was possible that this conversation was private. She had no idea just how good Hiroshi's senses were. Sure, he was full demon, but she could tell that his class of demon wasn't as good as InuYasha's. _I wonder how much he knows…_

"Just don't… tell him anything, mama. I don't know how much he knows about… everything."

Mrs. Higurashi gave an enigmatic smile as Kagome raised her voice everyone to hear. "Mama, do you want to make InuYasha some ramen or something? I'm going to take a shower."

Kagome climbed the stairs in her house, something nagging at the back of her mind. She pondered over the last time she encountered Hiroshi, trying to figure out something he said, something she was forgetting, something odd.

"_My parents were killed by-InuYasha!"_

Kagome stopped dead in the middle of stair. Hiroshi had recognized InuYasha. But there was no way they could have met. Only a few people had met InuYasha in her time, and even then, it was mostly in passing.

Once in the shower she dismissed the issue, not even bothering to wonder over her strange friend Hiroshi for once, focusing instead on a larger problem. _Did he see the jewel? Does he know?_ Kagome couldn't stop the dread that filled her at the thought that InuYasha knew her failure. _Is it my fault? Did _I_ taint it? _She couldn't admit her deeper secret, that she preferred it this way. _If I purify it again, I could lose myself again… _She scrubbed her scalp fiercely. _I _won't_ fail again._

When she was done with her shower, Kagome padded down the stairs and peeked into the kitchen. InuYasha and her mother were in deep conversation, and InuYasha was tucking something into his haori. She stepped into the kitchen brightly, catching both of them by surprise. InuYasha looked sullen, though Kagome could see his features visibly soften as he looked at her. Mrs. Higurashi smiled at her daughter.

"Feel better?"

Kagome nodded. "Where did Hiroshi go?"

InuYasha let out a soft 'keh', and Mrs. Higurashi said, "Back to the shrine. He was on lunch break when you arrived."

Kagome nodded and stared out the window, before turning to grab InuYasha's hand. "Come on, InuYasha, let's head outside. It's a really nice day."

InuYasha grunted and followed her out of the house. Kagome sat down on a ledge and looked back at InuYasha. He was staring back at her house. She looked in the same direction, but couldn't figure out what he was looking at.

"InuYasha?"

InuYasha turned his head slowly to look at Kagome, his expression unfathomable.

"What were you talking about with my mom?" she asked him.

InuYasha flinched and mumbled something incomprehensible. Kagome frowned and stared at the ground. _He's hiding something. _

InuYasha turned to examine the house again. "Do you want a house like this one?"

"Hmm?"

"A house like this one… would take longer. But if you want one like this one…"

Kagome smiled. Whatever he was hiding didn't change anything. They were still going to be together.

"Any house will be perfect. And we can always add on to it if we need to."

InuYasha sat down and moved Kagome to his lap with his arms around her. Soon, he said, his nose buried in her wet hair, his voice barely audible, "I'll tell you… soon."

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_AN: I do not own the rights to InuYasha_


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